Building Relationships

081: How to Be a Loving Mother Even if You Weren’t Raised by One // Sarah Badat-Richardson

The more I share my heart on this podcast, the more often people reach out to me and share their hearts and stories. And over the past year, many listeners have told me about their heartache over *not* being raised by a loving mother.

I’ve had listeners relay stories to me about mothers who were emotionally absent or even emotionally or physically abusive. These listeners confide in me what a sometimes overwhelming task it is to be a loving mother when you never really saw that modeled.

But these warrior mothers are doing all that they can to change the trajectory of that family pattern of parenting. To raise their own children with the love that they themselves were not given.

Today on the podcast, I have one of those warrior moms who’s going to share her insights on how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one. Sarah Badat-Richardson was born and raised in Reunion Island off the coast of South Africa, and she now lives in Hawaii. She’s a blogger and has also published articles on the website Power of Moms. She runs an international self-defense school with her husband, and she is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. One of her greatest accomplishments is that she is the mother to a beautiful 9-year-old girl, and she works every day to overcome the difficult relationship she had with her own mother so she can become the mother she wants to be for her daughter.

Sarah shares some of her journey with us today, and her three insightful takeaways are:

  1. Accept your plight. Accept who your mother was or is, and accept that the way you were brought up is not your fault.
  2. Bring your healthiest self. Take care of your body through food, sleep, and nutrition, and take care of your soul by paying attention to your thoughts and words.
  3. Embrace who you are. Share your talents and passions with your children, and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you do.

 

Show Notes

Sarah’s blog: sarahbadatrichardson.com

Sarah’s essay she wrote in preparation for our interview: sarahbadatrichardson.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-even-if-you-didnt-have-one

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karl McBride

Jody Moore’s podcast Better Than Happy

Sarah’s three favorite mothers in literature: 1. Ma from Little House on the Prarie, 2. Marmie from Little Women, 3. Jo from Little Men

Dr. Laura quote:
“You have two chances at a healthy parent-child relationship. The first time, you’re a child and you have no power. The second time, you’re the parent and you have all the power.”

Many thanks to our Declutter our Motherhood Workshop Sponsors!!

  1. Honey Coast Home–The first ten orders to use the code 3in30 get a free Lemon-Aid candle!
  2. Missy VanWagoner–20% off this week only if you email or DM Missy directly and tell her you heard about her on the 3in30! missyvanwagoner@gmail.com, @missyvanwagoner on Instagram
  3. Simple and Blush Headscarves–20% off with the code 3in30

079: How to Be a Friend Instead of Just Being Friendly (Encore!) // Brooke Romney

As mothers, this can be a hard stage of life to find and maintain meaningful friendships.

Many of us feel busy and overwhelmed–barely managing the needs of our own families.

Opportunities to connect with other women might feel scarce, depending on the ages and needs of our children.

Sometimes it’s just easier to give a friendly wave or a quick hello in the hallway at church than to invest in a real friendship with someone.

In this week’s episode, Brooke Romney, a mother of four and a professional writer, shares totally doable ways that we can be good friends to other women, even if we are busy, shy, or maxed out on life.

Brooke discusses each of the following takeaways, offering concrete ideas within each:

1) Take advantage of small opportunities to build connection by simply being present wherever we are. 

2) Follow the advice that we give our children about being a good friend.

3) Don’t wait for life conditions to be perfect before extending friendship to others.

Don’t miss this conversation where we learn how to go beyond just being friendly, to start being real friends.

Show Notes

-Brooke’s website: brookeromney.com/

-Brooke’s article in the Deseret News: “It’s Time to Stop Being Friendly and Start Being a Friend

-Rachel’s Instagram: @3in30podcast

-Brooke’s Instagram: @brookeromneywrites

077: How to Coach Your Children Through Their Big Emotions (Encore!) // Georgia Anderson of Know How Mom

Our little kids come with big emotions—too big, it sometimes seems, for their little bodies. And sometimes (often?) those feelings just come bursting out in bizarre and irrational behaviors.

As parents, this can bring out the bizarre and irrational in us as well, despite our best intentions to stay calm and level-headed.

Georgia Anderson of knowhowmom.com is a wife, mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. She has taught parenting classes for three decades and is a Certified Active Parenting Instructor and a Gottman Trained Educator.

Georgia has become my dear friend and mentor, and I’m so happy to be re-airing our interview today. As part of my break this month (or my “pause”–see last week’s episode), I want to recommit to staying calm and coaching my two amazing kids through their big emotions. This is the type of parent that I truly want to be!

In this episode, Georigia walks us through three of the steps to “emotion coach” our children through their big emotions:

 

1) Notice and validate emotions when they are small.

2) Put words to emotions–phrased tentatively, so a child can feel ownership to correct you. Ex: “It seems like you are frustrated that your sister isn’t sharing with you. Is that right?”

3) Set limits and problem solve. (All feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are acceptable.)

 

There are so many gems and insights in this episode, as Georgia walks me through a specific scenario when my six-year-old son got extremely angry.  I think it will be helpful for you to hear me coached on how I can coach him.  I have applied these steps in the year since this interview was originally recorded, and it has honestly changed my relationship with my son.  Please listen!

Notes

Georgia has recently announced “Know How Coach,” an online course focused on creating more joy and connection in your parenting journey. It’s a combination of recorded workshop sessions and live online group facilitation. (So you can be individually coached by her, like I was in this interview!) Visit her website for more information or to register.

Both myself and my assistant, Molly, have personally attended her classes and can attest to the powerful tools, storytelling, wisdom, and direction Georgia has to offer.

Georgia’s website: knowhowmom.com

Georgia’s Instagram: @knowhowmomtips

Parenting is not all Georgia is passionate about– check out her upcoming “Us Elevated” Workshop on May 3-4 in SLC, Utah to strengthen your marriage through this Gottman 7 Principles workshop.

Book Recommendation: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman

071: Stepparenting From Love // Amanda Louder

Stepparenting From Love

I think we all know that parenting can be hard– but from what I’ve heard, step-parenting is even harder. Think about some of the struggles you face with your children– maybe it’s dealing with sassy attitudes or figuring out the rules and technology expectations in your home. Then imagine trying to navigate all of that with children who also have another parent or set of parents and another home they live in part of the time. I can only imagine how complicated that must get and how many big emotions are involved.

Today’s guest, Amanda Louder–a life coach, podcaster, mother of three, and stepmother of two–gives three takeaways that have helped her navigate and embrace her blended family:

1) Treat your step children as equals to your own children: give them the same amount of love, responsibility, and discipline

2) Understand that he was their dad first

3) Try to find a new family culture

Amanda has such a positive outlook as she strives to “live from love” in the relationships she has with all of her children.

 

Show Notes 

Instagram: @amandaloudercoaching

Website: www.amandaloudercoaching.com

Podcast: Live from Love

“To the Mom Who Doesn’t Feel Like a Mother, Yet”– blog post by Katie Davis Majors

“Parenting After Divorce” online Conference–sign up soon because it ends March 15th!

raisingblendedfamilies.com

 

Listen to this episode

068: Healing After Betrayal in Your Marriage // Mika Perry of ‘Good to Be Home’ Podcast

They say love is patient; love is kind. But the truth is, sometimes it’s not EASY for love to be either of those things, especially when you are facing a devastating betrayal.

“Betrayal” can be discovering a spouse’s affair or addiction, learning that he/she has not been honest in their business dealings and has put the family’s well-being in jeopardy, and many other situations. You are faced with shattering grief, and often don’t know where to turn for support because the trial is so personal and involves someone else. It can feel so isolating.

Mika Perry—a mother, blogger, and professional organizer—has been there. In 2012 she discovered that her husband, Russ, was having an affair. Over the years since, she and Russ have worked toward healing and now openly share their story to help those suffering in silence.

Today on the show, Mika shares her experience of what life after betrayal looked like for her and how it ultimately led to a life of truth, abundance, faith, and purpose.

This is an incredibly personal and tender topic, and whether or not you choose to stay married after a betrayal, this episode will bring you hope. Please pass the episode along to someone who might need to know they are not alone.

Show Notes:

Mika’s Instagram: @mikaperry

Mika’s website: mikaperry.com

-The blog post where Mika first opened up about the affair:

Mika and Russ’ podcast “Good to be Home.” Episode 2 is where Mika and Russ share their story

Russ Perry’s book, The Sober Entrepreneur: starts with affair and goes through the process of getting sober and building a business.

If you are struggling with betrayal trauma, here are some resources:

Bloom for Women, an online community. Dr. Skinner’s course, “Rebuilding Trust After Sexual Betrayal” or find them on Instagram @bloomforwomen

Addorecovery.com -Utah based support; visit their website for locations and more information or find them on Instagram: @addo.recovery

Caitlin Olson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializes in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. You can find her on Instagram: @caitlinolsenmft

Sariah Hoffman, certified yoga therapist, of @backpocketyoga on Instagram

Ashlynn and Coby on Instagram: @ashlynnandcoby and their podcast “The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert” features 3 different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, recovery, betrayal and addiction.

Rachel and Jenae specialize in betrayal trauma (BT)- find them on Instagram: @couchtalktime

Dorothy Maryon of Life Star in Salt Lake. They also have a St. George clinic.

Center for Hope and Healing in Lehi, UT

Betrayal Trauma Recovery btr.org

Books:

What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Ann Croshaw

Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner