I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel truly stuck in a rut of nagging, bossing, and criticizing my children. This is not who I want to be–but when I can’t get my children to listen to me or to behave, what other option do I have??
Gratefully, Tony Overbay, a professional counselor and father of four, is on the podcast today to teach us a better way.
Using the principles of a powerful parenting and child development model called The Nurtured-Heart Approach, Tony shares four ways that we can effectively praise our children in order to energize the positive in them and in our homes:
Listen in as Tony teaches us how to acknowledge and praise…
1) What we see our children doing (active recognition)
2) What we see our children doing, plus what that shows about their greatness (experiential recognition)
3) What we don’t see our children doing (proactive recognition)
4) What we want to see our children doing (creative recognition)
This episode has the potential to change your parenting and the environment in your home forever. Don’t miss it!
Tony’s website: TonyOverbay.com
Tony’s podcast, The Virtual Couch: http://www.tonyoverbay.com/category/podcast/
Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach by Howard Glasser
PDF of the 4 Recognition Types: http://www.naswwv.org/index.php/documents/177-c1-wendy-baracka-transforming-the-difficult-child-nha-recognition-techniques/file
A few years ago, I had a phone conversation with a friend that changed my perspective forever. She told me why she never feels mom-guilt. And I loved her wisdom and think of it often.
Listen to this week’s episode to hear her advice, as well as three strategies that I use frequently when I feel the mom-guilt sneaking in:
1) List all of the blessings that your kids have in their lives, from you and others.
2) Reject “filtered-thinking.” Zoom out so you can see the big-picture of yourself and your kids’ lives.
3) Examine whether your guilt is beckoning you higher, or dragging you down lower.
I love to hear from you! Let me know what resonated from this episode or others at @3in30podcast on Instagram or firstname.lastname@example.org.
-Organization I worked with in South Africa: https://helponenow.org/south-africa/
-More about the people I worked with in South Africa: http://fyionrachandry.blogspot.com/2016/11/i-want-to-introduce-you-to-people-who.html
-Episode about the three best tools I learned in counseling, including how to recognize and combat “filtered-thinking”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-012-stop-mehan-3-best-tools-learned-counseling/
-Another great episode to help combat mom-guilt, “How to Be the Mom You Are, Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/
-Last week’s episode “How to Stop Looking at Your Phone So Much–And Why It Matters”: http://3in30podcast.com/lookup/
All of our kids get stuck in behaviors that are difficult for us and others to deal with–perhaps it’s whining, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or defiance.
According to Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 17 years of experience teaching children social skills and communication, these neurological “loops” can be rewired. She does it every day in her private practice, and, in this week’s episode, she teaches us how to do it! We can follow this simple three-step process with our kids, in our homes:
1) Identify the specific troublesome behavior, and then ask yourself, “What SKILL does my child need to learn in order to change this behavior?”
2) Sit down with the child and make a GOAL to learn the new skill. Have him or her make it visual by writing it down and/or drawing a picture. Consider adding a hand cue.
3) Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise whenever the child is working on their goal, and consider adding additional reinforcement through earning privileges, if needed.
Chrissy offers so many fantastic tips and interesting bits of research throughout the interview. You won’t want to miss it, especially if you sometimes struggle with knowing how to help your children change.
-Michelle Garcia Winter: https://www.socialthinking.com/
-“Kids Beyond Limits” by Anat Baniel
-“Finally Focused” by James Greenblatt
Many of us know friends and family members who have lost precious loved ones. During those heartbreaking times, it’s so hard to know what to say and do to show our love and support.
On today’s podcast, we hear from a mother who has been there and has so much wisdom to share. Several years ago, Rachel Gainer lost her two-month-old daughter, Daphne, and was engulfed in sorrow. She talks about her journey to “rebuilding” her sense of self after Daphne’s death, and she shares invaluable insight into what it’s like to grieve and what we can do to serve those around us who are hurting.
Listen in as she teaches us how to…
1) Reach out to the grieving family, no matter how long it has been.
2) Offer a specific service or gift based on your talents and interests.
3) Speak with sensitivity.
This is an episode that everyone should listen to–because, at some point, we will all inevitably need to support someone whom we love who is grieving. You won’t want to miss Rachel’s ideas for specific, heartfelt gifts we can send and meaningful words we can say. You’ll also want to hear all about her angel baby, Daphne.
Rachel Gainer’s website: RachelRebuilt.com
Rachel Gainer’s Instagram: @rachel_rebuilt
Ink Puddles by Karin (custom artwork for families): https://www.etsy.com/shop/InkPuddlesbyKarin?ref=l2-shopheader-name
**This portrait was done for a family who lost their baby:
Five years ago, I realized that I needed to go to counseling. I had been coping with stress and heartache through both undereating and overeating for almost ten years, and my negative thoughts about myself had become debilitating and all-consuming.
I sought treatment from an outpatient eating disorder clinic, and I fully expected my counselor to teach me how to control my eating; instead, my counselor went to the root of the problem and taught me how to control my thinking.
I learned that destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders) are part of a three-part cycle: we have a negative thought about ourselves, we then feel a negative emotion about ourselves, and we then cope with that feeling through a destructive behavior. In order to stop this cycle, we must have strategies to stop the negative self-talk that starts it all in the first place!
Whether or not you’ve ever struggled with an eating disorder, I think this episode will benefit you. I share three of the best tools that I learned in counseling:
1) Reject “filtered thinking” and embrace “big-picture thinking.”
2) Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend, sister, or daughter.
3) Use “coping statements” to help you re-center and stay calm in moments when you might spiral into despair.
I truly believe that almost no topic is more important for women and mothers–so I hope you will listen, and let me know what you think in the comments.
Listening to and Loving your Body through Intuitive Eating (podcast with Power of Moms): https://powerofmoms.com/intuitive-eating/
“The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder” (full narrative therapy): https://powerofmoms.com/eating-disorder/