A few years ago, I had a phone conversation with a friend that changed my perspective forever. She told me why she never feels mom-guilt. And I loved her wisdom and think of it often.
Listen to this week’s episode to hear her advice, as well as three strategies that I use frequently when I feel the mom-guilt sneaking in:
1) List all of the blessings that your kids have in their lives, from you and others.
2) Reject “filtered-thinking.” Zoom out so you can see the big-picture of yourself and your kids’ lives.
3) Examine whether your guilt is beckoning you higher, or dragging you down lower.
I love to hear from you! Let me know what resonated from this episode or others at @3in30podcast on Instagram or firstname.lastname@example.org.
-Organization I worked with in South Africa: https://helponenow.org/south-africa/
-More about the people I worked with in South Africa: http://fyionrachandry.blogspot.com/2016/11/i-want-to-introduce-you-to-people-who.html
-Episode about the three best tools I learned in counseling, including how to recognize and combat “filtered-thinking”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-012-stop-mehan-3-best-tools-learned-counseling/
-Another great episode to help combat mom-guilt, “How to Be the Mom You Are, Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/
-Last week’s episode “How to Stop Looking at Your Phone So Much–And Why It Matters”: http://3in30podcast.com/lookup/
Five years ago, I realized that I needed to go to counseling. I had been coping with stress and heartache through both undereating and overeating for almost ten years, and my negative thoughts about myself had become debilitating and all-consuming.
I sought treatment from an outpatient eating disorder clinic, and I fully expected my counselor to teach me how to control my eating; instead, my counselor went to the root of the problem and taught me how to control my thinking.
I learned that destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders) are part of a three-part cycle: we have a negative thought about ourselves, we then feel a negative emotion about ourselves, and we then cope with that feeling through a destructive behavior. In order to stop this cycle, we must have strategies to stop the negative self-talk that starts it all in the first place!
Whether or not you’ve ever struggled with an eating disorder, I think this episode will benefit you. I share three of the best tools that I learned in counseling:
1) Reject “filtered thinking” and embrace “big-picture thinking.”
2) Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend, sister, or daughter.
3) Use “coping statements” to help you re-center and stay calm in moments when you might spiral into despair.
I truly believe that almost no topic is more important for women and mothers–so I hope you will listen, and let me know what you think in the comments.
Listening to and Loving your Body through Intuitive Eating (podcast with Power of Moms): https://powerofmoms.com/intuitive-eating/
“The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder” (full narrative therapy): https://powerofmoms.com/eating-disorder/