A few years ago, I had a phone conversation with a friend that changed my perspective forever. She told me why she never feels mom-guilt. And I loved her wisdom and think of it often.
Listen to this week’s episode to hear her advice, as well as three strategies that I use frequently when I feel the mom-guilt sneaking in:
1) List all of the blessings that your kids have in their lives, from you and others.
2) Reject “filtered-thinking.” Zoom out so you can see the big-picture of yourself and your kids’ lives.
3) Examine whether your guilt is beckoning you higher, or dragging you down lower.
I love to hear from you! Let me know what resonated from this episode or others at @3in30podcast on Instagram or email@example.com.
-Organization I worked with in South Africa: https://helponenow.org/south-africa/
-More about the people I worked with in South Africa: http://fyionrachandry.blogspot.com/2016/11/i-want-to-introduce-you-to-people-who.html
-Episode about the three best tools I learned in counseling, including how to recognize and combat “filtered-thinking”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-012-stop-mehan-3-best-tools-learned-counseling/
-Another great episode to help combat mom-guilt, “How to Be the Mom You Are, Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be”: http://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/
-Last week’s episode “How to Stop Looking at Your Phone So Much–And Why It Matters”: http://3in30podcast.com/lookup/
“Parents act as mirrors for their children. Children learn who they are in the reflection of another person’s watchful gaze.”
Dr. Katie Penry, a licensed clinical psychologist and mother of two young children, is on the podcast today teaching us the brain research behind why we need to look up from our phones and engage more with our little children.
And she doesn’t just tell us WHY to do this…she also tells us HOW! Listen in as she explains each of the following takeaways:
1) Decide on some sacred spaces and places where you will not use your phone. (This matters more than arbitrary time limits for yourself.)
2) Tell your kids what you are doing when you are looking at your phone.
3) Use your phone’s non-notification settings to help you be present at important times of day.
Listen to the podcast as an introduction to Dr. Penry’s work, and then head to her website to sign up for her email course called the “Look Up Challenge”: afriendlyaffair.com/lookupchallenge
Fascinating Facts from the Interview:
-Almost 80% of your child’s brain development happens from age 0-3 years, through consistent verbal and non-verbal interaction with their parents
-Look at your baby and attune to who they are and what they love–react to each other–Harvard Psychologists call this “Serve and Return”
-Daniel Stern, a renowned American psychologist, found that 70%-80% of the time that your baby is alert, he/she is looking at you.
-Babies are born able to see the exact distance from their biological mother’s eye to nipple. (!!!)
-Dr. Katie Penry’s FREE email course, the #LookUpChallenge”: https://afriendlyaffair.lpages.co/look-up-challenge/
-Sign up to receive a monthly PDF of all the podcast takeaways: 3in30podcast.com
-Dr. Katie Penry’s website: https://www.afriendlyaffair.com/
-Dr. Katie Penry’s Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/afriendlyaffair/
-Children’s book about the life of Nelle Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird: https://www.amazon.com/Alabama-Spitfire-Story-Harper-Mockingbird/dp/0062456709
“I got this crazy idea in my head 3.5 years ago to start a marriage blog, but I had so many doubts, like ‘Why would I do that? I’m not that great of a wife…’ But the idea just coming back and back… And eventually I kind of thought, ‘I can just try things and tell people how it went. I can experiment. I can conduct marriage experiments.”
This is the premise behind “Marriage Laboratory,” a marriage blog run by Celeste Davis and her husband Rich (who happens to be a real-life scientist studying immunology). This past year, she conducted experiments on the five love languages by simply focusing on one per month.
Today on the podcast, Celeste will share some of her experiments and outcomes in the following areas:
1) Words of Affirmation: Send your husband a loving note, text, or email every day for a month
2) Quality Time: Dedicate ten minutes every single night to just sitting and talking with your spouse, with no phones anywhere in sight!
3) Physical Touch: Have sex every other day for a month (don’t worry–she doesn’t get too steamy on this one, but her story is pretty fascinating)
Don’t miss this conversation with a wife and mother who is dedicating her life to loving her family better, in simple but profound ways.
-Celeste’s marriage blog, Marriage Laboratory: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/
1) Words of Affirmation
-“42 Love Letter Prompts”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/42-love-letter-prompts/
-“40 Loving Texts to Send RIGHT NOW to Make Your Partner’s Day”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/40-loving-texts/
2) Quality Time
-“10-Minute Daily Connect Challenge”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/10-minute-daily-connect-busy-couples/
-“The Ultimate Guide to Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/quality-time-love-language-guide/
-Article Rachel read about “bids for attention”: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
3) Physical Touch
-“6 Resources for Spicing Up Your Marriage in the Bedroom”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/spice-up-your-marriage/
-“What Would Happen If You Had Sex Every Other Day for a Month?”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/sex-every-other-day/
-“46 Just Because Gift Ideas to Make Your Spouse’s Day”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/just-because-gift-ideas/
-“DIY Anniversary Gifts (that we’ve actually made)”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/diy-anniversary-gifts/
5) Acts of Service
-“The Best Way to Get Your Marriage Out of a Rut”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/marriage-out-of-a-rut/
If you often go to bed feeling like you will never get caught up on all of your responsibilities, wondering how you could’ve worked so hard all day and still have a massive to-do list, this episode is for you.
April Perry, the co-founder of the websites Power of Moms and Learn Do Become, shares a step-by-step process for getting out of overwhelm. April has spent thousands of hours developing time management systems that help important people–from business leaders to mothers–organize their *minds* so they can focus on their true priorities, get more done, and be more present with their families during downtime.
In this episode, April explains this process in detail:
1) Make an ACCURATE list of all of the projects you have brewing in your mind. (Include for your family, for you, and beyond.)
2) Narrow that list to no more than 7-8 projects to tackle this month. Put that shorter list in a visible place to reference often.
3) Using that list, identify tiny “next actions” that will move each project forward.
For more about April’s organization systems, please visit learndobecome.com/STEP.
“Perfectionism, we wrongly assign only to overachievers. I think most perfectionists are actually underachievers.”
When I first heard Monica Packer of the podcast About Progress explain this phenomenon–that a perfectionist can actually become an underachiever–I was stunned. I recognized that she was describing me. I had gone from a hardcore overachiever (who had developed eating disorders as a result) to an apathetic underachiever who avoided making any sort of goals in my life.
In this week’s episode, Monica describes her own similar journey and how she has now found a middle ground: striving for “progress, not perfection.” She gives us three takeaways to consider as we head into the New Year about how to set goals that will push us to improve while also helping us maintain our mental health.
1) Don’t think too much.
2) Make room for failure.
3) Make your goals visible.
Listen in as she and I dive into these principles and offer specific examples from our own lives as “recovering perfectionists.”
Monica’s website and podcast: About Progress.com
Her Intro episode that resonated so deeply with me: http://www.aboutprogress.com/2016/11/most-likely-to-be-talk-show-host.html
To get the PDF printable of each month’s take-aways, visit my website and sign up: 3in30podcast.com.