https://onlinecouplesworkshops.com/repair Is it easy or difficult for you to repair and “make up” after a fight with your spouse?
Not too long ago, my husband Ryan and I got in a fight about who should be responsible for waking the kids up for school. In the end, we BOTH woke them up for school with our raised voices, which felt ironic, and the kids emerged from their rooms with wide eyes, wondering what Mom and Dad were arguing about.
Seeing the kids’ concern, Ryan and I were able to take a deep breath and calm ourselves down, bring them in for a family huddle and talk about how everything in our family was okay…Mom and Dad were both feeling a bit tired, burned out, and underappreciated due to the exhaustion of family life, but we still love each other and them, and all parents argue sometimes. It’s just part of being in close relationships with other human beings.
Through their coaching practice and their couples workshops, they have helped over 800,000 people with the Relationship Skills to communicate better and resolve conflicts faster, and they will be sharing some of their secrets with us today.
If you ever have conflicts in your marriage or partnership–or really in any of the relationships in your life–I know this episode will bless your life, and I am grateful to you for tuning in.
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- REFLECT: Either after a fight happens or even in the midst of it if you take a breather, take time to reflect on the actual cause of the conflict–the deep down cause. Was there an expectation that wasn’t met? Was it vocalized? WHY did you have that expectation? Or feelings from your childhood or your deepest fears coming up for you? Do some digging so you can LEARN from the conflict as you move forward. Make sure you also reflect on where you could take responsibility for the conflict, instead of solely blaming your partner.
- RECONNECT: After you’ve reflected, aim to reconnect more quickly than you normally would. In the “Argument Hangover” period, the tendency can be to be frustrated and disconnected for hours, days, even weeks sometimes. Shorten that length of time by vulnerably going to your partner and asking to repair. Take responsibility for your part and ask, “Is there any other impact on you?” Then be willing to listen.
- REMIND: Remind each other what you’ve both committed to and what your agreements are. These agreements should be made in a calm, connected moment when you decide how you will fight smart–what behaviors will not engage in as a couple when you are feeling frustrated with each other. You can honor yourself and your relationship by reminding each other of those agreements and what you commit to moving forward as you repair from a conflict.
>>>Are these tips about how to repair after a fight helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.
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- Podcast episode about “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical”: Trauma Responses: How to Recognize & Re-route them
- Podcast episode about anti-racism and impact over intent: 113: Teaching Your Kids About Racism & Bias
- Freeman’s Free Course: 5 Steps to Fully Repair After an Argument
-Related Episodes for How to Repair after a Fight-
- Episode 153: How to Actually Hear your Spouse // Glenn and Yvette Henry
- Episode 205: How to Coach Yourself through Big Emotions // Georgia Anderson
- Episode 151: 3 Pillars of Meaningful Motherhood
