This is a topic that comes up sometimes when groups of moms are together. We joke about our sex life and bemoan the fact that having little children has killed all flickers of desire in us. In fact, one of the listeners who heard that I was going to be addressing this topic on the podcast sent me a meme that, I will admit, made me laugh out loud: “You can thank your dad that you were born, because chances are pretty good your mom was not in the mood.”
All laughing and stereotypes aside, this is a really tender, sensitive topic for many women. There’s often more going on than what we’re willing to talk about with our girlfriends. It gets to the heart of what we believe about ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and even our worth. Some women listening might be thinking, I used to have a sex drive, but where did it go? Since becoming a mom, it feels nonexistent.
Our guest is truly an expert in this field, and can help you no matter what questions you face in your sex life. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in relationship and sexuality counseling. She is also a mother of three and a phenomenal human being. Here are her three takeaways on navigating sex and motherhood.
3 Takeaways about Sex and Motherhood:
If we want to increase our sexual desire, we can work to slowly embrace new frames of meaning, namely:
1) You can be a good mother AND have desires outside of motherhood--both sexual desires and professional or personal desires for your life.
2) A good woman is not just a caretaker of men's sexuality. She needs and deserves connective sex as much as her husband, and she can allow herself to receive fully and be taken care of in this way.
3) A woman's beauty and desirability is about more than just the appearance of her body, and she can be desirable at any age, weight, or phase of life. I loved this quote by Jennifer from the episode: "A desirable woman is a whole-hearted woman. She's a woman who claims her strength and her personhood and creates goodness in the world through her choices. And I don't mean in the selfless sense. I mean, in the fully anchored sense, that she really is anchored into her strength and anchored into a kind of acceptance of her body and her capacities and her desires."
>>>Are these tips about sex and motherhood helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.
-Get in touch with our Guest! -
- BetterHelp: Use the code 3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy!
- KiwiCo: Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code 3in30.
- Outschool - Get $15 off your first class with the code 3IN30.
-Mentioned in the Episode-
- Two-part couples retreat: June 15-19 in Oregon
- Men’s retreat in Oregon: The Art of Loving September 5-9
- Women’s retreat in Oregon: The Art of Desire September 12-16
-Related Episodes for Sex and Motherhood-
- Episode 018: Simple Ways to Speak your Partner's Love Language // Celeste Davis
- Episode 167: How to Accept When Your Spouse Doesn't Speak your Love Language
- Episode 068: Healing after Betrayal in your Marriage // Mika Perry