275: 3 Ways to Step Back so your Kids can Step Up // JoAnn Crohn

February 20, 2023

Posted in Honor Your Needs, Managing the Home, Rock Your Routines

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We’ve talked often on this podcast about the weight of the mental load that moms carry. But what if we could let some of that go simply by stepping back? Stepping back from carrying it all and allowing our children to take more ownership and responsibility for their lives, their choices, their needs, and their mistakes? If we start to look at everything we are doing for our kids from the angle of, “My goal is to slowly step back from this so my child can fully step up to it,” we will feel so much lighter as moms. And when we feel lighter, we are happier. And as our guest today, JoAnn Crohn, often says, “The best mom is a happy mom.”

JoAnn is a former elementary school teacher and founder of the organization No Guilt Mom. She helps moms manage the mental load and love being moms again by providing positive parenting courses and coaching for them, as well as courses made specifically for their kids. JoAnn is passionate about helping moms understand that you don’t have to do everything for your family in order to show your love for them. You need to strengthen your relationship with them, and that is often much easier to do when you’re not so bogged down by the resentments that can come along with managing everyone in the family.

3 Takeaways from JoAnn Crohn on Stepping Back

Step back to let kids make their own mistakes. As adults, we see mistakes coming before they happen. We notice when our kids leave their worksheet on the kitchen counter and know that they’ll forget in the morning. We see the pile of dirty laundry and know that they will be searching for clean clothes ten minutes before their outing with friends. Instead of always bailing our kids out, sit down with the child and come up with a good system for them to remember what they need to do, and then step back and let the mistakes (and the consequent learning!) happen.
Step back and go on an adventure just for you. Many moms devote so much to their kids that they give up those little pieces of themselves that make them feel interesting and joyful. That’s why it’s important to do something that solely benefits you. Show your kids that your friendships and relationships outside of motherhood are important to you, so they have this model to look to as they become adults. And don’t forget that when you leave, you should really leave–and allow whoever is caring for the kids to figure out how to feed them and manage them. You may just realize that the world doesn’t fall apart without you, which will help you to step back more in the future.
Step back and release household chores. Have a family meeting where everyone helps create a list of chores to do in the house. Then, give each family member a chance to claim what chores they do, and make it clear that this is truly 100% their responsibility. You won’t be stepping in and doing it for them. If you are thinking, “Yeah right, my child will never follow through” consider attaching a “When Then.” When their job is done, then they can have screentime, or play with their friend, or do whatever it is that motivates them.

>>Are these tips from JoAnn Crohn on stepping back helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.

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