278: When your Child Says “I Hate You!”

Listen to Top Motherhood Podcast, 3 in 30 Podcast, When Your Child Says, “I Hate You!” with Rachel Nielson

My son Noah's birth-dad recently came to stay with us for a long weekend. We do this every winter-- Noah and Drew snowboard together, we go out to eat, we play board games, and it is truly a highlight of our year. As I was reflecting back on the many years that we've been doing this, I remembered that several years ago, I recorded an Instagram Live about a meltdown that Noah had before one of Drew's visits, and I couldn't quite remember all the details, so I rewatched it. It was so touching to go back in time and watch Rachel from three years ago processing her experience of mothering a strong willed little boy, and I felt proud of her for all she was learning then, and I felt proud of myself for how much more I've learned since then, and I felt proud of Noah for how far he's come since then. It was so special for me to reflect on how much this podcast has blessed my family these past five and half years.

So I decided I would pull the audio from that IG Live and share it here on the podcast, and then I will pop back in and give you three takeaways that I learned from this experience, as well as others, about what to do when your child says they hate you or uses other strong language against you. 




3 Takeaways for when your child says, “I hate you!” or uses strong language against you:


1) Be the adult. This means staying "safe" when your child is melting down by remaining respectful and modeling for them what it looks like to control your anger. Remember, "you don't have to show your child who is boss--they already know." Instead, show them that you are steady and safe.


2) Validate the emotions. Remember that "all emotions are okay, even if not all behaviors are okay."  Instead of punishing or shaming your child's big words, try to help them understand their big feelings: "You want to say words that show how big your anger is right now" or "It sounds like you are hurting and you want me to hurt too. Emotions can feel scary, but I'm not scared of your emotions. I'm right here with you."


3) Get outside support. If your child has a pattern of outbursts and rage, consider find them a play therapist and/or asking for a neuropsychological evaluation, so you can see if there are any underlying conditions that need support. 


>>>Are these tips on what to do when your child uses strong language against you helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.




  • BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Use the code 3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy!
  • Kiwi Co: Use code 3in30 for 50% off your first month plus free shipping on any crate line!
  • EveryPlate: Get started for $1.49 per meal.  Use code 3in30149

-Related Episodes like this on when your children use strong language against you-

279: Navigating Parenting Triggers // Nat Vikitsreth


In today’s episode, we are going to be discussing how to navigate our parenting triggers. A trigger in parenting is a small action, often done by our children, that releases a spring within us the parent and sets off a reaction. This reaction can sometimes feel like it is exploding out of us against our…


277: When Parenting Doesn’t Go as Planned // Michelle Barrow


Don’t we all just crave the friendship of women who will open up their hearts and share their ups and downs and their biggest life lessons with us? Today’s episode is a peek into my friendship with one such woman who has blessed my life so much in the almost six years since I moved…


276: How to Stop Giving the “Silent Treatment” after a Fight // Aaron and Jocelyn Freeman


Is it easy or difficult for you to repair and “make up” after a fight with your spouse?  Today I am re-airing an episode that originally aired just over a year ago all about how to repair with your partner after a fight. The guests are Aaron and Jocelyn Freeman who you might know from…


275: 3 Ways to Step Back so your Kids can Step Up // JoAnn Crohn


We’ve talked often on this podcast about the weight of the mental load that moms carry.  But what if we could let some of that go simply by stepping back? Stepping back from carrying it all and allowing our children to take more ownership and responsibility for their lives, their choices, their needs, and their…


274: How to Support Someone you Love through a Faith Crisis // Kattie Mount


If you are listening to this episode right when it airs, it’s the week of Valentines Day, and I thought that called for a special episode all about relationships–specifically how to navigate the most important relationships in our lives when one of us is experiencing a shift in religious belief. This can feel disorienting, devastating,…


273: Navigating a Faith Crisis: 3 Things I Want You to Know


Today I am sharing from my heart, starting with a personal story from my life–a story that might end up being one of the most impactful moments of my entire life.  It’s a story centered around the faith journey I’ve been on these past several years. I will admit that as my faith has shifted,…


272: How to Fall Back in Love with Motherhood When It All Feels Hard // Tessa Brown


For today’s episode, I pulled a beautiful interview from the archives with a friend of mine. Tessa Brown is an artist and a mother of three who strives to live each day with intention and love.   The idea for this episode came several years ago when she emailed me and shared a bit about…


271: Why Your Kids Melt Down After School + What to Do About it // Alyssa Blask Campbell


ANNOUNCEMENT: My Flecks of Gold Journals are not going to be for sale again until November.  Go to 3in30podcast.com/flecksofgold to see the journal and read more about how it works. Act now!  We only have a few left in stock!   *** Alyssa is the founder and CEO of Seed & Sew, an organization committed…


270: Simplifying Mom-Life // Chanelle Neilson


Mom-life often feels anything BUT simple. Managing toddler tantrums, managing work deadlines, managing sick kids who call from school and mess up those work deadlines, managing emotional and behavioral needs…Did we miss that doctor appointment I scheduled a month ago? And how will I get there when I am also supposed to be dropping off…


269: How to Create a Morning Routine that will Last // Sara Dean


For years, I have aspired to have a better morning routine. If you’re a long-time listener of the show, you’ve heard me talk about this many times. I am naturally a bit scattered, and consistency and discipline don’t come easily to me–but I know a solid morning routine would make my whole life run more…


Leave a Comment