341: When your Partner’s Beliefs are Changing, and it Makes you Uncomfortable// Eli Harwood


How do you support a partner when their beliefs are changing?

This week’s guest, therapist Eli Harwood, shared with us in her episode How to Be a Safe Place for Your Spouse that it’s important to light up about the things that our partner’s light up about. But what if those things feel scary or threatening? I asked Eli this question at the end of our interview, and I loved her response to my question so much, I decided to make it a bonus episode. I hope you find it as helpful I do.




Summary of Eli’s Advice: 

Since this was a bonus episode, we don’t have three takeaways for you, but I do want to share a summary of Eli’s advice on this important topic.

First, don’t get trapped in the myth that there are two teams. The world is so divided. It can be tempting to feel like you are either on one team or another, but the truth is that we can come together, support each other, disagree with some aspects, and still be there for one another. Second, come together and share what is meaningful for each of you. Sit with each other without getting defensive, and share why your viewpoint matters to you. And third, each partner can approach the other in a specific way to help bring support to the relationship. The person changing can be really clear that they are questioning beliefs, not the relationship. “I’m not questioning you or us, I’m questioning this.” Clarifying this can help put the other partner at ease that the relationship isn’t at stake because of the changing beliefs. 


>>>Are these tips for supporting your changing partner helpful? What would you add? Tell us in the comments below.



Get in touch with our Guest!

Mentioned in the Episode:


  • BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy!


Related episodes like this one on reasons for behavior



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