343: 3 Ways to Become a Better Partner // Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

 

Have you ever wished for some concrete things you could do to improve your marriage? It’s relatively easy to notice when your marriage is in a slump or just not thriving, but it can be much harder to know what to do to help strengthen it. And it can be easy to think that most of the disconnection in your relationship is your partner’s fault– if they could just change things would be so much better! Well, in today’s episode, our expert guest gives us three actionable things that we can do to become better partners and improve our marriages.

Our guest is Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.

This is Dr. Jennifer’s second time on the podcast. Her first episode was totally focused on helping mothers find or reclaim their sexual desire, so if that’s a topic you need some help with, please sign up to receive access to my special relationships-focused private podcast that I put together for the month of February. It includes all of the relationship-focused episodes of 3 in 30 from the past 6.5 years, including our previous conversation with Jennifer, so go to 3in30podcast.com/playlist to get access to that. 

 

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3 Takeaways to Become a Better Partner:

  1.  Be willing to look at yourself and your impact on the marriage. If we don’t see our own blindspots and liabilities, we remove the growth mechanism that every marriage needs in order to thrive. Many of us are eager for our spouse to change, but don’t want to deal with ourselves and our contributions to our marital difficulties. The ability to self-confront is what we’re working towards, meaning we’re able to humbly take feedback and then honestly look at how we contribute to the relationship. 
  2. Work to develop the self-regulation to remain kind and constructive (instead of punitive and harsh) when facing disappointments and differences in your marriage. Jennifer reminds us that “how we handle ourselves when we are not getting what we want determines the marriage.” It’s human nature to want to do hostile or difficult things when our spouse doesn’t conform to what we want; but, if we are forgiving, kind, constructive, and honest, we can create a real friendship. And that is the basis for a truly great marriage.
  3. Understand and deal with your sexuality. Sex is fundamental to marriage, unless you and your spouse have agreed that it is not. Sex is about desiring and being desired in return. It is about choosing your spouse, and as vulnerable and difficult as this topic can be for many people, it’s something that is worth working on in order to become a truly loving and connected partner. 

 

>>>Are these tips from Dr. Jennifer helpful? What did you learn about becoming a better partner? Would you add anything? Tell us in the comments below.

 

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Get in touch with our Guest!

Mentioned in the Episode:

  • Click here to access Dr. Jennifer’s Online Courses
  • Click here to access Dr. Jennifer’s past episode on 3 in 30

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