368: Using the Enneagram to Improve our Relationships // Kelsey Lincoln

Have you ever thought about using the Enneagram in your relationships

If you don’t know what the Enneagram is or haven’t used it much in your relationships, you are in for a real treat! It is an incredible tool for improving relationships, and I am so thrilled to share it with you today! 

Now, a little backstory: For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a sucker for personality quizzes and profiling systems – anything that helps me understand myself and others more deeply. 

I think this probably started with taking quizzes in teen magazines with my friends while growing up in the 1990s. 😝(Please tell me you were obsessed with these, too! For nostalgia’s sake I looked some up, and found this one – doesn’t it take you back?) 

Even now, in adulthood, I love learning about how I and others think and the differences between how we all move through the world. It fascinates me! 

My favorite personality profiling system right now is the Enneagram. The Enneagram is a psychological and spiritual model of understanding the human psyche through nine interconnected personality types. If you’re brand new to the Enneagram, click here to learn about the nine different types. 

I am thrilled to share with you a conversation I had with an expert guest on the podcast who will help us understand how we can use it to improve our relationships.

My guest for this conversation is Kelsey Lincoln. She has a B.A. in Youth and Community Studies, a Masters in Intercultural Studies, and an Enneagram coaching certification. She works with clients one-on-one and as couples to help them discover why they think, feel, and behave the way they do.

I am so excited to dive into this conversation!


3 Ways to Use the Enneagram in Relationships:



 1. The Enneagram helps us understand ourselves and others, which leads to more empathy and less judgment 

Kelsey teaches us that “our relationships are only going to be as good as we are at understanding ourselves individually.” The Enneagram is a fantastic starting place to better understand your fears, desires, weaknesses, and longings. When you understand why you’re doing something or why your partner, friend, or family member is doing something, it breeds so much more compassion than just witnessing someone’s behavior. 


2. The Enneagram gives us a roadmap for how to handle conflict and communication.

When you dive into the Enneagram, you’ll learn how each type reacts to stress, what they fear, what they long for, and more. All of this will make you much more skilled at communicating with the unique people in your life. You will get better at noticing your own responses to others’ communication styles, and be able to communicate your needs with them. This can be a game-changer when it comes to navigating conflict. 


3. The Enneagram shows us how we can grow healthier as individuals and couples.

I love that Kelsey points out that the Enneagram isn’t just about understanding yourself so you can stay the same … it‘s about understanding yourself so you can grow within your type. An emotionally healthy version of your enneagram number will look very different from an emotionally unhealthy version of your enneagram number, and having that all spelled out will give you a way to self-assess and start working on the areas where you want to grow.


I loved that brief introduction to the Enneagram, and I hope you’re feeling inspired to learn more about this powerful personality profiling system. You may be feeling resistant to the idea that you could possibly fit into one of nine personality types, but remember that this is just a starting place to help you uncover some of your motivations–and doing this kind of self-reflection can bless all of your relationships. 


All in all, learning about the enneagram has been fascinating and has helped me better understand myself and others. I encourage you to contact Kelsey if you want to do a deeper dive into why you do what you do and how it impacts those around you.




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Listen to Top Motherhood Podcast, 3 in 30 Podcast with Rachel Nielson, featuring Kelsey Lincoln, Enneagram Coach, about Using the Enneagram in Relationships.
Infographic depicting how to use the Enneagram in relationships.

















>>>What did you think of these takeaways from Kelsey on using the Enneagram in relationships? Do you know your Enneagram number? How does it help you improve your relationships? Comment below! 





Related Episodes like this one on Using the Enneagram in Relationships:


About Our Guest:

Kelsey Lincoln has a B.A. in Youth and Community Studies, a Masters in Intercultural Studies, and an Enneagram coaching certification. She works with clients one-on-one and as couples to help them discover why they think, feel, and behave the way they do.


Get in Touch with Our Guest:



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