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A Final Recap: Why Do These Nine Principles Even Matter?
Here we are! The final day of our two-week-long series all about how to become more peaceful, confident, and happy in your motherhood.
I have loved this series, and it’s also been a ton of work–more work than I had anticipated! (Though I don’t know why I didn’t anticipate that airing a podcast episode every weekday for two weeks 🫨 would be a huge challenge. Sometimes things sound easy before you do them, and that was definitely the case with this series!)
But, despite the hard work, I’m so glad I persevered to give you a little deep dive into each one of my nine principles of Self-Assured Motherhood. In the past two weeks, we’ve talked about why it’s important to:
Voice your Values
Celebrate your Strengths
Study your Story
Bolster your Boundaries
Sanctify your Soul-Care
Pursue your Purpose.
Gather the Good
Communicate for Connection
Support their Struggles
Whew! It has been a whirlwind of learning, and today I hope to bring it all together in this final episode of our series. I hope you’ve taken the time to download the self-assessment that goes along with this series. With this exercise, you get a Venn-diagram labeled with all nine SAM principles, and then you get to color in how you are doing in each area–green, yellow, or, red–based on some definitions I provide to describe each area.. It’s an incredible way to measure your emotional wellbeing in a concrete way. You can look at the diagram and see visually how you are doing emotionally and why. The why is so important–so you know where to focus your time and energy as you invest in yourself.
So, If you haven’t grabbed the assessment, please do–it really is such a valuable tool for growth and learning.
I have to be honest with you and admit that as I was trying to outline this final episode in our series, I felt really stuck. My brain was tired and I was overthinking and overwhelmed due to the pressure I was putting on myself to end the series with a bang, so I texted the 3 in 30 team for support and suggestions.
My Director of Operations, Christy, responded and asked: “Why is the SAM framework life-changing? Why do you keep going in this work on days like today when it’s hard, and you want to give up? Tell your listeners that.”
As usual, Christy’s advice is spot on, so that is what I will be addressing today. I will be telling you why the nine principles of SAM are life-changing and why this work is worth doing–not just my work as a podcaster and teacher of these principles, but each of our work as we put these principles into practice in our own lives.
When I think about why it’s worth it to me, I can’t help but rewind time and think about myself back in 2016, before I had started 3 in 30, when I was feeling incredibly lost and sad and NOT self-assured in my motherhood and in life generally. It was during that time that I wrote an email to a mom named Kelly Jensen who I followed and admired on Instagram but didn’t know in real-life, asking for support and advice. I’ve read this email on the podcast before, but it’s been a while, so I hope you don’t mind if I read it here again, because I think it’s at the heart of why this work is so important to me. This is what I said:
Hi, Kelly!
Like so many others, I am so inspired by your Instagram account because it captures the beauty and joy of motherhood. Thank you for making your life public so others can see a living, breathing example of such JOY in motherhood. And on top of that, you seem so REAL and don’t make me feel “less than” by your example of truly delighting in your children. I look forward to seeing your posts and feeling inspired by you. Thank you.
I am writing because I would love your advice.
The truth is, I don’t like motherhood. And I DESPERATELY want to. I start each day with resolve to make it a great day with my kids–but then the fighting, the whining, the EVERYTHING just crashes down on me, and I find myself yelling at them, so angry and discouraged, so frustrated with them and so disappointed in myself.
I have a five-year-old and a two-year-old, and they are my miracle babies. My son was adopted after years of infertility and adoption disappointments, and my daughter came to us through IVF. After such a fight to become a mother, I truly thought I would savor every moment as a mother–well, not every moment, but I thought I would love it more than I do. And I thought I would be more patient, loving, and well, just BETTER AT IT than I am.
Perhaps the reason I am so drawn to your IG account is because it tells the story of how I *thought* motherhood would be.
I still have hope that I can create a beautiful, fulfilling life as a mom, but honestly, most days feel so far from that ideal.
So here’s where I ask for your advice: How do I love motherhood more? Have you ever faced times or phases where you really didn’t like it? How did you change your mindset? How do you remind yourself to cherish these beautiful souls, even when it’s so hard? I feel like your love of motherhood is unique–how can other mothers like me catch a little of your joy?
I am just really grasping for help today, and I thought I would reach out.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with the world. I appreciate your example so very much.
Love,
Rachel
So many things strike me about that email as I read it now, almost ten years later. First of all, it makes me a little sad that I was comparing myself to a mom on Instagram, even if she is a wonderful human being–which she is, I have now met her in real life, and she is every bit as wonderful as she seemed. But so was I! I was a wonderful mom too, but I was struggling so much because I hadn’t learned the principles of Self-Assured Personhood yet. See what I did there? The nine principles that we’ve covered in the mini-series aren’t really about motherhood at all…they are about personhood.
When I asked Kelly in that email, “How do I love motherhood more, how do I change my mindset, how do I catch some of the joy?”, little did I know that just a few years later, I would be creating a framework and a nine-month long program for women who were asking themselves those very same questions. It was because of my struggle that I searched desperately for answers–I went to therapy, I read so many personal development books, and I started my podcast and talked to hundreds of experts on parenting and personal development to uncover these nine principles and put them into practice in my own life. And once I did that, I was in a position where I could start teaching them to others.
So in answer to Christy’s question: Why do I keep going in this work on days when it’s hard and I want to give up? I do this work because the nine principles of Self-Assured Motherhood are what I desperately needed not very long ago.
If I had taken my own Venn-diagram self-assessment back then, there would have been a lot of reds and yellows. The seeds of so much happiness and confidence in my role were there, but they were buried under a lot of self-doubt, shoulds, and inability to do the things we talked about in this series, such as voicing my values, bolstering my boundaries, and gathering the good. Once I learned how to do those things, my entire life changed, and I am happy to report that my Venn-diagram is now pretty much solidly green, with the exception of a Yellow in Soul-Care, which I talked about in the episode last week…physical soul-care is not my forte but it’s something that I am consistently working on, with a lot of patience and love for myself.
I also keep going in this work because of the emails that I get from mothers every day–some of them very discouraged, like the one I sent to Kelly, and others delighted by the progress they’ve seen in themselves since discovering my podcast or joining my Self-Assured Motherhood Program. Those emails really keep me going when the going gets tough, and I got one just this week that absolutely made my day…possibly my whole year, so I want to read an excerpt of it to you:
A mom named Christine wrote this:
“I participated in your Self Assured Motherhood program a couple years ago and it was life changing! I’m a pretty stable and confident person, and I didn’t feel like I desperately needed it, but it sounded fun and helpful, and I thought it would be good to put aside some time to learn some principles, be introspective, and set some goals. All that was true and SO much more! I loved and learned from every single unit!…
This work has helped me to understand myself, the way I prioritize, why I do some of the things that frustrate me and how I can change those things if I so choose, but most often it has allowed me to gain so much peace with who I am and understand why I am that way – It’s like I have been able to zoom out, get a clearer picture of myself, what makes me me and why and lovingly look at myself and say, “yes, she’s beautiful and I choose to continue to be her.” I love the name of your program – Self Assured Motherhood – because that is exactly what I gained from it. Before, I was a mostly confident mom (especially if I stayed in my own bubble and didn’t know much about or compare myself to anyone else) but now I can hear all about my friend who does SO much cute and fun stuff with her family that I would love to do but just doesn’t compute with me and I can see that she has a different set of core values and strengths that she is working with and I can be happy for her, proud of her, grateful for her, inspired by her and not feel less about myself for being different.
I reference principles from SAM in conversations with my inner circle of friends and family all. the. time. I am so grateful for the peace and confidence I feel now and increasingly as I move forward.
Well done Rachel (and team)! Well done!”
I’m guessing you can tell why that email made my day. Probably my favorite line in the entire email was this: “I am now able to lovingly look at myself and say, ‘Yes, she’s beautiful and I choose to continue to be her.” This is my goal for every woman who listens to my podcast or participates in my SAM program: I want you to feel more fully yourself as a result of the work that we do together–more deeply accepting of who you are and more able to nurture the best that’s already within you, instead of wishing you could be different or “better.”
Friends, if you want to do this work with me, I hope you will join my Self-Assured Motherhood program, which opens for enrollment on Monday, September 9th, so in just over a week.
Over the past two weeks, you’ve gotten a great crash course on the nine monthly topics that we dive into in the program, but a quick overview of these principles is not enough to truly change. Sometimes we can listen to a series like this and feel inspired and think we need nothing more–or we can attend a one-day or a one-hour workshop on a topic and think we should be good to go. I wish it were that simple, but for me it sure isn’t, which is why I’ve designed the SAM program to go slow and to dive deep, so you can actually, truly start to embody each principle until it’s just second nature for you. There is just nothing like dedicated time to work on yourself each week, to use my guided workbook to truly apply the principles in your life through our homework assignments, to be live with me once a week so I can answer your individualized questions and hear your breakthroughs, and to be supported by a group of other women who are this same journey with you. The women in the SAM program are absolutely incredible and so committed, and I want to end this series by letting you hear from a few of them about how their Venn-diagrams changed–and more importantly how they changed–over the course of our nine-months of working together. .
So that’s it, my friends! That’s a wrap on our series about the Self-Assured Motherhood Framework. I hope as we head into this new school year, you’ll feel a little more empowered to be the mom and human being that you want to be, as a result of listening to their series.
If you are considering joining us in SAM, be sure to get on the info list by going to 3in30podcast.com/thrive. Everyone who is signed up there will receive an exclusive 24-hour only discount code for the program via email on Monday, September 9th when the doors open, and one lucky mama will win a free spot in the program, which has over a $1,000 value. So get signed up at 3in30podcast.com/thrive, and don’t forget that forever and always, I’m rooting for you. This has been a very fun two weeks for me, and I’ll be back with a regular 3 in 30 episode on Monday, so be sure to join us for that, and have a beautiful weekend with your family.
You’ve got this! You can find confidence and joy in your life! I’m rooting for you!
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Related Episodes like this one on Self-Assured Motherhood:
- 262: 3 Ways to Recover from Mom Burnout
- 314: How to Feel like Yourself in Motherhood // Aleisha McKean
- 030: How to Coach Your Children Through Their Big Emotions // Georgia Anderson
Mentioned in the Episode:
Sponsors:
- Paleovalley: Go to paleovalley.com/3in30 for 15% off your first order.
