Living with grief can feel heavy, dark, and confusing. 

It’s a time when it’s easy to lose ourselves. Grief looks different for everyone, and if you are in the middle of grieving, my heart aches for you. 

I have experienced loss, and I know the deep ache of grief. It’s a tender topic that’s close to my heart. That’s why I’m honored to share Shelby Quinlan’s story with you. 

Shelby is a former teacher and SAM alumni. She has made a new career teaching classes for kids and their adults at the Children’s Library in her hometown of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She’s mom to three girls, and she and her family have been navigating their grief this past year through the loss of a beloved grandparent and also Shelby’s sister.

I am so impressed with Shelby’s courage to share how she’s navigating living with grief while being still in the middle of it. I hope you find her story as inspiring and healing as I have. 

 

3 Takeaways for Living with Grief without Losing Yourself:

 

1. Manage your mindset.

Sometimes our intellectual resistance to the complicated emotions of grief can cause us a lot of added pain when we are already hurting. Telling ourselves that we should be able to “move on and get back to normal life” or “get over it because it’s not as bad as what others have been through” can amplify what we feel deep down. When we can manage our minds and remind ourselves that grief is life (and not just an interruption from it), that facing each day while carrying our grief is incredibly brave, and that our grief makes sense given our core values, it can soften the edges of the pain a little bit. I love that Shelby said managing your mindset during times of grief “feels empowering in a time where you feel so powerless.”

 

2. Center your soul-care.

I really love the verb that Shelby chose, “center.” In the SAM program, I encourage women to “sanctify” their soul-care, or in other words, set it apart as holy and important.  I love the added dimension that Shelby adds to this with her choice of the verb “center” – center your soul-care. When you are drowning in grief, taking care of your body, mind, and spirit has to be central to the plan for every single day. What am I going to eat? How am I going to get in some gentle movement? How will I prioritize sleep, prayer, journaling, therapy…whatever gives your soul even the tiniest bit of relief? Keeping your self-care as a focus during times of heavy grief will keep you going on even the hardest days.

 

3. Collect your community. 

Relying on a circle of trusted friends and family is always important–but it is especially important when reeling from a loss. Allow others to know that you are struggling. It feels vulnerable to send a text or make a phone call to admit that you’re not okay, but I have found that people generally feel extremely honored when you trust them with your pain, and a friend’s tender words of support or simple act of service can do so much to remind you that you aren’t alone. 

I hope you have people you can turn to in your real-life neighborhood and community, and I also hope that you will join us in the SAM program this year so we can be a supportive online space for you to share your highs and lows. The women in this program are so incredibly special, and we live in an incredible time when our online friendships really can be vibrant and nurturing.

 

My friend, whatever difficult things you are navigating in your life right now, whatever grief you are living with, I hope these takeaways will help you. You are not alone. I’m rooting for you. 

 

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      >>> What did you think about Shelby’s takeaways about living with grief? What touched you the most? Comment below! 

 

 

 

I want YOU in SAM! I want to get to know you the way I’ve gotten to know Shelby, and I want our SAM Sisters to be able to show up and support you in your own highs and lows along the motherhood path. We need your voice and your perspective in our community. Enrollment closes this Thursday, September 19th, and won’t open again for a year, so please get signed up. Classes start Tuesday, October 1st. It will be an incredible nine months!

 

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Related Episodes like this one on the Living with Grief:

• 013: How to Support Those Who Are Grieving // Rachel Gainer
• 104: How to Move Through Grief Towards Healing // Dr. Anna Packard

• 155: Talking about Suicide: Insights from a Daughter Left Behind // Sara Grotenhuis

   

Mentioned in the Episode:

• Self-Assured Motherhood Program: The doors to SAM are open now through Sept 19! It only opens once per year, so join while you can!

 

Sponsors:

• BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.