The kids are back in school! Hallelujah! After a really really hard summer for our family, I am feeling relief to have the days to myself to just catch up on work, do some journaling, clean my house, and maybe take a nap!
I have struggled with my mental health a bit the past few weeks I think because I’m just SAD about my brother-in-law passing away and the fragility of life. I spent much of the summer with my sister trying to be as helpful as I could possibly be to her and her kids, and I think that gave me a focused outlet for my grief. Now that I’m home and back to “real life,” I have felt myself crash a little. The demands of everyday life have felt like way too much, and I've felt pretty low and unmotivated these past several weeks, but I've allowed myself to feel what I feel and process and grieve however I need to, and I do think I feel some of my energy and motivation coming back, which is a good thing. I'm actually planning to do an entire solo episode next week sharing a bit more about my summer and what I learned, so I'd love for you to be sure to tune in next Monday if you're interested, but in the meantime, I am so excited for today's episode about learning how to thrive not just survive our kids' extra curriculuar activities.
This episode comes at a good time for me personally because I think that all of the hustle of a new school year and the activities that come along with that has been part of my overwhelm these past few weeks. It can feel like a lot to manage the moving parts of a family schedule, so I wanted to bring you a conversation that addresses an underlying question that many of us might be sort of subconsciously asking ourselves during this busy time of year: How do I manage my kids' commitments and activities in a way that takes into account my own capacity and needs? How do I make sure that both they and I are thriving , even when life is very full?
Today I invited my friend, Meesha Slade, to help us think this through. Meesha has a bachelor's degree in elementary education and a master's in global education, and she is the mother of three kids, ages sixteen, thirteen, and ten. All three of her kids are involved in multiple activities, so she is living this question in real time rather than theoretically.
What I appreciate about Meesha's approach is that she isn't going to tell you the "right" number of activities for your family, because there isn't one. It all depends on your values and you kids' values, your capacity and their capacity,...it is highly personalized for each family. So instead of coming away from this conversation with a prescription for the right number and types of activities you should sign your kids up for this fall, I think you'll walk away from this conversation with more confidence that you can figure out what's best for your unique family during this season, so that each person in your family can thrive, including you.
I also wanted to mention that in this conversation, Meesha is going to refer to several of the principles that I teach in my Self-Assured Motherhood or SAM program(opens in new tab), and if you find yourself feeling intrigued by the idea of being part of a program like this, where intentional moms gather together every week to learn from me about a principle that will help them to become happier and more fulfilled in their daily lives as moms, this year's enrollment for SAM will open next Monday, September 14th! I am so excited to welcome a new cohort of women who want to learn how to better know themselves, honor their needs, and love their people. So keep SAM on your radar and next Monday you will be hearing all of the details on how to get signed up if this is something that you could use in your life. I would truly love to spend the next eight months learning and growing with you.
3 KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- First, connect your values to your kids' activities.What struck me about Meesha's story is that her resentment towards all of her kids' activities didn't lift because she cut anything out. She didn't cut anything out! Her resentment lifted because she sat outside her son's TaeKwonDo class and did a brain dump of every reason she wanted her kids in these activities in the first place, and as she wrote it all down, she watched her own values show up on the page. Once Meesha could see that she had signed her kids up for all of these things because they aligned with what she actually cares about, her resentment faded away, and she was able to find joy in her schedule.
- Second, honor your needs with boundaries.I loved how Meesha modeled for us how to honor our boundaries so that we don't take on more than we can. Just like Meesha did with Scouts, you and your partner can split the responsibilities of different activities. You also can let your budget be a calm, honest limit rather than a source of guilt. And you can let your kids show you where their own boundaries are. Honoring boundaries allows your whole family to thrive through the busyness because resentment isn't building and no one is getting too burned out.
- And third, notice and celebrate their growth as you support them through the ups and downs of their sport or activity.This is the takeaway that makes all the craziness of extracurriculars worth it, because, as Meesha mentioned, the activity was never really the point. The point is that our kids learn they can be tired, and disappointed, and unsure, and keep going anyway. The point is that our kid learns how to work with a coach and a team. The point is growth and development, and noticing and celebrating the growth will help us find joy in all that these activities ask of us.
I told Meesha this in our interview and I'll say it again here: Meesha was remarkable when she walked in the door six years ago, and watching her grow into who she is now has been one of the great joys of building the SAM program.
And if you listened to some of Meesha's experiences today and thought that you would like to have some of the clarity that she has found through knowing her values, honoring boundaries and learning how to support her kids through their struggles and triumps, the doors to my SAM program open next Monday, September 14th, and I would love to have you with us. You can learn more about SAM at 3in30podcast.com/sam, and if you want to a sneak peek of the program's curriculum and my teaching style, be sure to sign up for the free class I'm teaching next week all about uncovering your values. You can sign up for that at 3in30podcast.com/freeclass(opens in new tab).
My friends, I'm so happy you're here listening, and I'm so honored to do this work of becoming a happier, more fulfilled, more present mom alongside you. I'll be back next week, and in the meantime, I'm rooting for you, and I hope you have a beautiful week with your family.
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