Have you heard of whole-brain parenting? 

If you haven’t, prepare to have your mind blown as you learn how understanding brain science can help you navigate the emotional ups and downs of parenting more effectively.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that can be exhausting. Just this week, you’ve likely had a child scream at you, burst into tears over something seemingly inconsequential, or bash their sibling at the smallest provocation.

Raise your hand if I guessed right. 🙋‍♀️

Our children’s reactions are often NOT logical. Their outbursts of emotion sometimes seem ridiculous and outsized, and when we try to “talk some sense into them,” it usually makes everything worse. Before we know it, we find ourselves yelling and reacting with big anger, and the whole family spirals into a swamp of dysregulation. 

Can you relate? 🫣

 

Believe me, I’ve been there, and if you have too, you are going to love this interview with neurobiological researcher Dr. Dan Siegel, who explains the brain science behind why children react the way that they do and how understanding the structures and functions of the human brain can help us to become more patient and ultimately effective parents.

 

Dr. Dan Siegel is a true expert and pioneer in the study of neuroscience as it applies to parenting and child development, and it was truly a highlight of my professional career to have the opportunity to do this interview with him. 

Dr. Siegel graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1983 and then completed his postgraduate training at UCLA, specializing in pediatrics, and adult, adolescent, and child psychiatry. In the decades since, he has written over fifteen books, including five New York Times bestsellers, and overseen the publication of one hundred books in the  Interpersonal Neurobiology discipline. He is the executive director of the Mindsight Institute and a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine.

In today’s episode, we will specifically discuss his book The Whole-Brain Child. 

Dr. Siegel’s understanding of the human brain is profound, and I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that his application of that knowledge to parenting over the last many decades has truly changed the world for the better.

 

Dr. Daniel Siegel’s 3 Takeaways on Whole-Brain Parenting: 

 

1. Help your child integrate the left and right hemispheres of their brain. 

You do this by connecting with them before redirecting them. Remember, the right hemisphere of the brain is linked with the interior of the body – so the internal sensations of the body. It’s considered to be more connected to emotions and intuition than it is to logic and language, which originate in the left hemisphere of the brain. So when your child is having a very emotional reaction to something, it simply does not work to “blast them with a left hemisphere language dump” (in the words of Dr. Siegel). You’re not going to be able to reason with them rationally, talk them out of their emotional reaction, or even teach them in that moment because you will be trying to meet their right brain with your left brain. 

Instead, you need to get on their level, connect with them non-verbally, and get them to a place of emotional safety. After their right brain is soothed by your right brain, then you can work together to start moving into the left brain to discuss logical reasons and lessons learned from the experience. This is what Dr. Siegel calls horizontal integration of the brain. 

 

2. Help your child integrate their “upstairs” brain and their “downstairs” brain. 

The lower or “downstairs” brain controls more of the unconscious, automatic functions of our body, such as breathing, digestion, heartbeat, and fight or flight responses to threats. The higher or “upstairs” brain can consciously regulate some of the body’s responses, as well as reason, plan, and learn from experience. 

When our children get fearful or angry, they are likely having an automatic bodily response prompted by their “downstairs” brain. We can help them build a “staircase” to their “upstairs” brain by encouraging them to calm their psychological reactions. This might include vigorously moving their bodies to release stress or consciously breathing in a controlled way that slows heart rate. 

Remember this the next time your child is overstimulated about something. When you help them to use their body to consciously calm their mind, you are building the integrative fibers between their “upstairs” and “downstairs” brain.

 

3. Understand the difference between implicit and explicit memory and how implicit memories can affect our parenting. 

An explicit memory is a conscious recollection of a past experience. This includes facts, dates, etc. An implicit memory is all of the bodily sensations, emotions, and perceptions you encode that you are not consciously aware of. Babies start encoding implicit memories long before their brain has developed the ability to make explicit memories, and we continue to make implicit memories throughout our lives without even realizing it’s happening. 

Dr. Siegel encourages us to become more aware of our implicit memories by reflecting on our own life stories. How did your experiences in childhood affect you? How did your parents’ interactions with you and responses to your emotions make you feel and form your beliefs about yourself and others? And how have you taken those things into your own parenting?

As you integrate your implicit and explicit memories, you can start to create meaning in those experiences and even make conscious decisions about what you want to believe about your child, parenting, and anything else.

We can also help our children to start integrating their implicit and explicit memories by talking to them about their experiences…not just a factual account of what happened to them but also how it made them feel, what they thought, and what they saw as it was happening. As we do this, we become a loving guide to help them create narratives about themselves that are positive and that will stay with them throughout a lifetime.

 

Can you see the power of whole-brain parenting? And this is just the tip of the iceberg! 🤯

 

I am grateful beyond words to have had that conversation with such a renowned expert and pioneer in his field. Whole-brain parenting allows us to approach the ups and downs of parenting with wisdom, patience, and self-regulation. And this is a powerful gift for your children. 

 

As Dr. Siegel teaches: “Your relational connection to your child shapes the neural connections in their brain, which determines the rest of their lives.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am truly grateful to Dr. Siegel for using his deep wisdom to help all of us understand the power of whole-brain parenting. When I respect my children’s emotions, instead of shaming or punishing them, I help their brains develop in important ways to help them grow into secure, emotionally intelligent adults.  I won’t do this perfectly every time, but it’s worth the effort to keep trying, and I’m grateful for educators like Dr. Siegel who teach me how and why my efforts as an intentional, respectful parent matter.

 

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What did you think of Dr. Dan Siegel’s takeaways on whole-brain parenting? Have you read his book The Whole-Brain Child? Comment below! 

 

 

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Related Episodes like this one on Whole-Brain Parenting:

• 357: Tips for Staying Calm During Your Big Kid’s Big Meltdowns // Cheryl Cardall
• 387: Why Calming Yourself Helps Calm Your Child // Eli Harwood, MA, LPC
• 391: Parenting a Child with ADHD: How to Stay Calm and Connected // Rachel on The Childhood Collective

 

Mentioned in the Episode:

• Get $5 off Flecks of Gold Journals through the month of November!
• The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.
• Brainstorm by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. 
• Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.
• NowMaps: A Tween’s Guide to Learning About Your Thoughts, Navigating Big Emotions, and Being a Confident Kid by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.
• NowMaps Jr.: Adventure Stories to Help Young Kids Navigate Everyday Challenges & Grow in Caring & Kind Ways by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.

 

About our Guest:

Dr. Daniel Siegel is a true expert and pioneer in the study of neuroscience as it applies to parenting and child development. He graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1983 and then completed his postgraduate training at UCLA, specializing in pediatrics, and adult, adolescent, and child psychiatry. In the decades since, he has written over fifteen books, including five New York Times bestsellers, and overseen the publication of one hundred books in the  Interpersonal Neurobiology discipline. He is the executive director of the Mindsight Institute and a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine.

 

Get in Touch with Our Guest:

• Website:  https://drdansiegel.com/
• Website: Mindsight Institute
• Instagram: @drdansiegel

 

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