3 Highs and 3 Lows of My 2024

 

Today’s I’m going to be a bit more personal than usual as I spend some time talking through the highs and lows of my year. In last week’s encore episode, Chatbooks co-founder Vanessa Quigley encouraged us to spend a bit of time in the coming week or two reflecting with our families on 2024 before jumping into 2025. I mentioned that my mom started doing this with me and my sisters when we were young teenagers, and it’s a tradition that stuck. I’ve done it pretty much every year for 25 years, and I am honored to bring a little sample of that to you today.

My favorite part of this New Year’s tradition that my mom started with our family is that after we did a few minutes of our quiet writing and reflecting, we’d then go around and share what we’d written–and it was always just such a connective time to hear about the highs and lows of the year from the people I love. So in that spirit, I will be sharing three of my highlights from 2024 and three of my challenges of 2024.

And before I jump into that, I want to remind you that I have a handout all about New Year’s traditions for families, including a worksheet based on the questions that my mom asked us all those years ago.

Okay, so let’s dive into my personal highs and lows from 2024. 

2024 Highs and Lows:

 

1. High #1

My first highlight of the year was getting to spend an evening playing UNO with my friends Ivan and Maritza in El Salvador. To understand how much this moment meant to me, you need to know a bit of background about my connection to El Salvador. When I was in college, I spent a summer volunteering there, working in orphanages and teaching English, and I felt especially connected to one of the orphanages that was a home for children and adults with disabilities. I had worked at a summer camp for people with disabilities in the United States throughout high school and college, so the volunteer work at that particular orphanage just felt so natural and fun for me. The home is called Hogar del Nino Padre Vito Guarato, and I loved it there so much that I convinced Ryan to go back with me right after we got married, and we spent the first three months of our marriage living in a little casita on the Hogar grounds, planning activities and fun for the kids there. We blew bubbles, did crafts, read books, played soccer, planned scavenger hunts–and almost every night, we played the kids’ favorite game of all: UNO. We’d sit at a table under their outdoor pavilion, and joke and chat as we played, and anytime that the wild card came up, we’d all shout “Tarjeta Loca!” and run around like crazy people, hooting and hollering for a minute or so, before we’d come back to our seats to continue the game.

It was the most perfect way for Ryan and me to start our marriage, and after we got home, I recruited and trained other college students to go and live at the Hogar, and as part of that work, I got to go visit once a year, and it was so special to form long-term, deep relationships with the children there as I visited for a week or so every year. That went on for about five years, and then unfortunately El Salvador got really dangerous and was put on national travel advisory lists and such, and so the non-profit that I worked with stopped sending volunteers there–and then I had babies and young children, so I couldn’t easily go for a visit–and somehow 12 years passed and I hadn’t seen my beloved ninos! I thought about them so often, and we communicated a bit through letters, photos, and simple social media, but I always hoped I’d get a chance to go back and hug them again. 

Well this year, Ryan got invited to attend a dental conference in El Salvador and they asked me to speak at the conference about identifying your governing values, which is something that I teach about in depth in my Self-Assured Motherhood Program. It was an immediate yes because I knew this was the way I’d get to see my friends at the orphanage again! Even though they are now adults, most of them still live at the Hogar because El Salvador doesn’t have a lot of resources for adults with disabilities to be integrated into the community, and I was truly giddy with the thought of getting to see them and hug them again.

Walking through the Hogar gates after 12 years and seeing my friends was surreal, and I had so many emotions throughout the day. I felt overjoyed but also a little bit heartbroken that they don’t have opportunities like they would if they’d been born in the United States. Most of them remembered me and immediately said, “Raquel!” which meant everything to me, and the highlight moment for me–the Fleck of Gold moment where it really sunk in that I was there in El Salvador with my friends–was when Ryan and I got to sit outside in the courtyard that evening with two of our absolute favorites, Ivan and Martiza, and play UNO. They are in their late 20s now, and Ivan speaks very good English, so we talked and laughed and reminisced, and it was as if no time at all had passed. It was a perfect evening, a decade in the making, and that’s why it makes the highlight list for 2024. I hope I can get back there for another visit soon, and it better not take another 12 years for it to happen! I’ll keep you posted. 

 

 

 

2. High #2

My second highlight happened during another special trip later in the year. Sally and I had the incredible opportunity to attend the Taylor Swift Eras Tour concert during a special trip we took to Toronto with my older sister, Sarah, and her daughter, Jade, who we call Sally’s sister-cousin. The whole trip was incredible, but the concert itself will be a core memory for all of us for sure. There really are no words to capture the magic of watching your daughter dancing her heart out and singing at the top of her lungs for three hours, decked out in a pink toulle dress and sparkly cowboy boots. She looked so beautiful and happy that I  truly could not take my eyes off of her, and I wasn’t the only one. The lady sitting next to me leaned over to me at one point and said, “I’m obsessed with her! She knows every word!” She was just radiating joy and I will never forget it.

I’ve liked Taylor Swift’s music from way back in 2008, but I never would’ve considered myself a hardcore Swiftie until Sally started loving her so much a few years ago, and it’s just become this fun thing we can share. How cool is it when you find shared passions and hobbies with your kids?? It’s such a gift, and bonding with Sally over Taylor Swift music was definitely a treasured part of my 2024, which culminated in that once-in-a-lifetime concert. Sally was wearing these sparkly gold temporary tattoo freckles across her cheeks and nose, and at the end of the concert, I snapped a photo of her just glowing with happiness, and there’s this little gold freckle right on the tip of her nose, and it looks almost identical to the Flecks of Gold icon that’s on the cover of my journal, which just feels so perfect because sharing that experience with my daughter was a massive Fleck of Gold for my 2024. I will never forget it!

3) High #3

And the third highlight from 2024 that I want to share here is the Coming-of-Age Celebration that we hosted for Noah’s 13th birthday back in August. I talked about this in an episode a couple of months ago, so you may already know about it, but in case you missed that, we invited all of the most important men in Noah’s life to come do an epic backpacking trip with him for his 13th birthday, and it was just so special. Noah is adopted, and we are close to both of his biological families, so he had the amazing opportunity to hike with both of his grandpas (Ryan’s and my dads), as well as his birthgrandpa, his dad, his birthdad, four of his uncles, and his oldest cousin. The hike was super hard and pushed Noah to his absolute limit (I hear there were tears and shouting at one point), but he persevered and was rewarded with two perfect days at a gorgeous, secluded mountain lake with some of his greatest mentors and encouragers. One evening they circled around in camping chairs and each shared some words of advice with Noah as he enters his teen years, which was so incredibly special for him!

Even though I wasn’t there on the hike, I was the one who planned this event and made it happen, so I think I can count it as a highlight of my year…because looking at the photos of him in such a breathtakingly beautiful place, spending time with such good men who have loved him since he was a baby, just filled my heart to absolute bursting. I was so glad that I had heard about this kind of a coming-of-age ritual years earlier and then followed through on my desire to plan it and make it happen for Noah. I think this type of event would be special for any child entering their teen years, but it was perhaps even more meaningful for Noah because he has this unique adoption story, and I always want him to feel connected to the people he came from–to know them and to know of their deep love for him. Honestly, it wasn’t always easy to navigate that open adoption relationship when he was a baby and we were all figuring out what it was going to look like. I did a lot of praying and talking to my therapist and put my whole heart and soul into trying to make it the best situation for Noah, and seeing the photos from that hike, I realized that it all paid off. 

After coming down from the mountains, all of the guys came to our house for a big lunch, and seeing Noah laughing and talking with his birthdad and birth grandpa, I was struck all over again by what an amazing miracle his adoption has been in our lives and how grateful I am for these bonus family members that we have as a result. It truly is miraculous, and I was reminded of that on that 13th birthday weekend, which is why it makes my highlight list this year!

 

Okay, now that we’ve talked about three of my highlights, let’s talk about some of my challenges. I want to say upfront that we had a really good year overall, and I do not take that for granted because 2023 was a doozy for us with major unforeseen challenges with my husband’s dental practice and a life-changing diagnosis for one of our kids–so the fact that things were pretty stable, even a little boring, in 2024 feels like a huge blessing. The past few months when people have asked me what’s new and I’ve said, “Oh, not much!” I truly felt grateful saying those words. It’s been a steady year, and I am thankful for that–but when you’re a parent, there’s always some unexpected challenges as you try to help your kids navigate their ups and downs, and I’ll share three of those because I think some moms listening will relate and possibly feel a little less alone in their struggles. 

 

1. Challenge #1

The first big challenge of the year was that my 13-year-old son’s best friend pulled away from him, and it has been painful for him–and for me as his mom. I’m sure it’s some sort of rite of passage as a mom to witness your child struggling with friendships–it’s bound to happen to literally everyone at some point–but since Noah is my oldest, this was the first time I’ve experienced this, and it honestly surprised me a little how gut-wrenching it felt. Noah and this boy have been super close since elementary school, and I loved having him in our home—he is just an all-around incredible kid with a great sense of humor and a natural self-confidence that is rare and refreshing. He was also always very kind to Sally and included her in their play, so this is basically a mom’s dream best friend, so when he suddenly stopped coming around, it was just sad.

I’ve gotten to know his mom pretty well over the years, so I actually reached out to her and asked if she knew if a fight or something had happened between them, and she said that  she’d asked her son about it too, and as far as she could tell, nothing specific had happened. She thinks they just drifted apart because they have different interests and are part of different classes and sports, so they’ve developed different peer groups. This makes sense of course, but I think it felt pretty sudden to Noah, and it hurt my heart to see him feeling lonely and out of place this year.

Noah’s birthday is in August, so he’s the youngest in his grade, plus he has ADHD which can make you seem even younger from a social/emotional standpoint (I did a whole podcast episode on that, if you’re interested), and he doesn’t have a phone yet like most of his peers do–so middle school has just felt like a bit of a struggle socially for him. He does have a few friends whom he likes to hang out with at school but they haven’t really translated into hang out outside of school friends yet, so we are working on figuring out how to make that transition because he does want that.  As a mom, I’m working on figuring out how to support him with friendships without being overbearing, and I’m also working on remembering that I think literally every child goes through seasons where friendships feel a bit tricky, and it’s okay. I loved my episode with Brooke Romney a few months ago about helping our teens navigate friendships, and I took away a lot from her great advice, so if you could also use some guidance in this area, make sure you listen to that, and I will link it in the show notes. 

 

2. Challenge #2

A second challenge of our year was that my daughter’s competitive gymnastics gym closed, and since we live in a small and isolated town in Idaho, there is no other gym within 75 miles of here. Gymnastics has been a huge part of Sally’s life for the past four years, and the gym was the place she felt most like herself. She spent seven hours a week there training for competitions around the state, and it was just the most incredibly supportive and positive environment where the girls felt like sisters and they were learning together how to work hard, overcome their fears, and use their bodies to accomplish incredible things. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Sally started the competition team four years ago, she was so shy that she sat on my lap and cried during the practice meet for the parents because she didn’t want to be in front of everyone. It was incredibe to watch this sport transform her into a confident competitor who excelled in all four events and had so much fun with it. She won first place on the uneven bars at every meet last year, including State, and she was totally dedicated to continuing with this sport that she has loved since she was a tiny toddler…but then a Porsche dealership bought the warehouse where the team has practiced for the past twenty years! Yes, a Porsche dealership. The rents in our ski town are so expensive that the team couldn’t find anywhere else to practice that was remotely affordable, and so Sally’s coach had to make the heart-breaking decision to close her small business. It was devastating. We considered driving Sally to Twin Falls several times a week, which would’ve been 90 minutes each way, but Sally didn’t want to spend all of her after-school time in the car, and to be honest, I didn’t want to do that either. So we made the really difficult decision to have her stop doing gymnastics, and it’s been hard. I’ve been proud of her for being willing to try some new activities this year, but she feels like she’s behind her peers in other sports, and that doesn’t feel very fun or encouraging, especially coming from a sport where you felt really at ease. I’ve seen her confidence and excitement about life dim a little bit, which is just hard to see as a mom. I’m just hoping she finds something else that she loves soon because right now she’s a bit directionless, which actually leads to the third challenge of the year that I’m going to share today… 

 

3. Challenge #3

My kids don’t have enough to do! I feel like I always hear moms talking about how their kids are so overscheduled and how they are always in the car running them around, and that is NOT my challenge at all. My kids have an excessive amount of free time, which means they watch a lot of TV and whine for more when I cut them off, and it is making me crazy.  I want them to be involved in meaningful activities that are growing them as human beings, but I cannot be the sole director of that personal growth. Right now it feels like I need to come up with activities, chores, and goals to keep them busy, and it’s exhausting. They are at ages where imaginary play doesn’t come as easily to them, and they don’t have any common interests, so they are very unlikely to play together. And they are both SUPER resistant to trying new sports and activities, and I never know how much to push and force them. So it’s just a frustrating phase, and when you add that I work from home, I just often feel mom-guilt when I know they are watching TV yet again while I get my stuff done. That’s why it was so nice to know that Sally was at the gym living her best life after school, but for now, we are just trying to figure out how to use our long afternoons and evenings in the best ways possible without driving each other crazy.

 

So that’s a little snapshot of my life in 2024. Lots of highs including some really special trips and milestones–and some lows too, mostly having to do with parenting pre-teens who are in phases of transition and change. I know it’s all normal and good, and, as my Flecks of Gold Journal says, the difficult or boring moments in life sometimes outnumber the beautiful moments, but the beautiful moments always outweigh the difficult and boring moments. That was absolutely true for me this year, and I hope it was for you too.

 

As a reminder, if you want a guided worksheet to do your own reflection on your year with your family, click here. It’s worth looking back before you move forward, to mark where you’ve been and where you’re at. I hope you will take a few minutes this week to do that because you are doing amazing and you deserve to take some time to reflect on that.

 

As always, through all of your highs and lows, I’m rooting for you! 

 

 

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Related Episodes like this one on How to Reflect on Highs and Lows of the Year: 

• 215: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself for the New Year
• 267: How to Stop Procrastinating in the New Year // Monica Packer
• 349: Overcoming Decision Fatigue through Reflection // Emily P. Freeman