Feeling overcommitted? But also feeling like it’s your fault that you feel that way? You’re not alone!
Do you often feel overwhelmed, wondering why it’s so hard to set boundaries? If you’re caught in a cycle of overcommitment, self-criticism, and the struggle to say “yes” when you really want to say “no,” then welcome! Today is for you!
My guest today, Amy Wilson, has some words of advice for all of us women who know we are doing too much but can’t figure out exactly how to do it differently. Amy is the author of the memoir When Did I Get Like This? and her latest book, Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser. Since 2016 she has also been the co-host of the Webby-honored podcast “What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood,” and you may remember the episode that she and her co-host Margaret did on 3 in 30 several years ago about Raising Independent Teens and Tweens.
When I heard about Amy’s new book, which came out on January 7th, I knew I wanted to have her on the podcast to talk to women who are feeling trapped by their overwhelm and dismissed by the people in their lives who just don’t get it.
This conversation is a perfect complement to the work that the students in my Self-Assured Motherhood program have been doing this month all about articulating compassionate boundaries, so I thought I’d bring a conversation on this topic to the podcast as well. So with no further ado, here’s my conversation with author and podcast host, Amy Wilson.
Amy Wilson’s Takeaways for When You’re Feeling Overcommitted:
1. Reject the idea that you have to fix yourself first.
When you’re struggling with overwhelm and feel like you need to take some things off your plate, try to remember that being overwhelmed does not mean that you’ve done something wrong. What if the problem isn’t that you’re a “people pleaser” or a perfectionist for having done more than your share? What if it’s the situation that’s unhealthy? If that’s true, please fix the situation—but do that without first beating yourself up for being someone with more to do than you can reasonably handle. Having “too much on your plate” doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
2. Saying “no” is only the first step.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “No is a complete sentence.” But if you’ve traditionally taken on more than your share, saying “no” won’t necessarily be the only boundary you need to set. People aren’t going to stop asking you to keep contributing, and they might struggle to accept your “no.” Instead, saying “no” is often just the first step in an extended dance of renegotiation with partners who may be completely confused or disincentivized to respond. And remember, saying “no” isn’t as uncomfortable as the silence that may follow. Be ready for the discomfort, and that leads into the next takeaway.
3. Don’t give up too quickly.
Setting boundaries, saying no, and asking for help will often be followed by an uncomfortable period. This might look like silence as everyone wonders what things will look like moving forward. Or it might be uncomfortable when others don’t step up and give the help you’re asking for. Don’t be afraid to lean into this discomfort – don’t give up! When I asked for more help from the people around me and didn’t immediately receive exactly what I hoped for, I thought that meant there was no use in trying to do things differently. But all I had to do was stay the course and sit through the uncertainty. Often when we speak up and ask for a change, no one is sure what will happen next. That doesn’t mean that change isn’t coming. That doesn’t mean that getting what you need will never be possible. So hang in there and be willing to be uncomfortable (and let others be uncomfortable) as you try to find a new normal.
I’m excited for you to put these takeaways into practice! PLUS, if you need help figuring out WHAT to put down in your life and HOW to articulate it to others, check out my audio course Declutter your Motherhood! This course offers insightful questions to help you pinpoint the sources of your overwhelm, along with compassionate scripts to explain your needs to family and friends. Now until the end of January, use the code NEWYEAR for $50 off!
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>>>Are these tips from Amy Wilson on What do Do if You’re Feeling Overcommitted Helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.
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Announcements:
- Sign up for my Declutter your Motherhood Audio course by the end of January to get $50 off – use code NEWYEAR.
Related Episodes:
- 293: Rethinking Housework // KC Davis
- 262: 3 Ways to Recover from Mom Burnout
- 211: Raising Independent Tweens & Teens // Amy & Margaret from What Fresh Hell Podcast
About Our Guest:
Amy Wilson is the author of the memoir When Did I Get Like This? and her latest book, Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser. Since 2016 she has also been the co-host of the Webby-honored podcast “What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood,” and you may remember the episode that she and her co-host Margaret did on 3 in 30 several years ago about Raising Independent Teens and Tweens.
Contact Our Guest:
- Website: amywilson.com
- Podcast Website: whatfreshhellpodcast.com
- Instagram: @amywlsn, @whatfreshhellcast
Sponsors:
- BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.
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