How do we support moms of kids with disabilities?
As a mom who has navigated the challenges of raising a child with ADHD, I’ve experienced my fair share of public meltdowns. Those moments can be overwhelming and isolating, especially when they happen in public. When I see another child having a difficult time, my heart immediately goes out to the mom. I know firsthand how hard it can be to manage those situations while feeling like everyone is watching.
In those moments, I try to offer a simple gesture of solidarity—a wink or a smile—to let the mom know that I’m not judging her. I hope this small act of kindness helps her feel a little less alone and more supported.
However, I’m also deeply aware that for families with children who have mental disabilities or neurodivergence, these public meltdowns can be even more intense and frequent. And families who have children with physical disabilities face challenges that I know I will never fully understand. My heart goes out to all the families with kids with disabilities facing these challenges. Despite my best intentions, I sometimes struggle to know how to offer meaningful support to these moms.
I have learned some universal lessons on supporting families with disability from one of my favorite writers, Katie Blackburn. I first became familiar with Katie’s work through the website Coffee and Crumbs. Katie is a contributing writer there, and I have loved reading her essays there over the years–but where I really fell in love with her was on her Substack. Her Substack is where she writes even more personally about her journey going through an unexpected divorce and navigating life as a single mom to six kids, including her son Cannon who was diagnosed with severe autism at age 2. Through every snapshot from her life that she so beautifully and poignantly writes, I’ve learned lessons about resilience, friendship, grief, healing, and advocacy.
In addition to her online work, Katie is the author of the book Gluing the Cracks, which is a collection of essays about disability and hope that I think would be the perfect gift to give to a mom who has a newly diagnosed child with Autism–and her first children’s book The Very Best Baseball Game will be out March 4, 2025.
I invited Katie onto the podcast to share about her upcoming book, as well as three things that she wants women to know about supporting a friend who has a child with Autism or another form of disability. This woman is a powerhouse of love, and I can’t wait for you to hear from her, so let’s jump in!
3 Ways to Support Moms of Kids with Disabilities:
1. Talk to your neurotypical kids about differences.
This can happen proactively, by talking to them outside of the moment about all of the many forms of difference that they might encounter in the world (and books or movies are a great way to do this), and it can happen in the moment, if you and your family witness someone with a behavior that might be unfamiliar to your children. Of course this should never be done in a judgemental or patronizing way–just with genuine love for others.
Katie suggests that you might use lines like, “Oh, it looks like he is having a tough moment, and that’s okay. Let’s give him some space… or, “let’s let him go first in line.” I appreciated when she said that when her son has lost the ability to comply, it means so much to her to know that she is not being judged and that another mom is in her corner. We can do this for each other, with all of our kids!
2. Please continue to reach out, even if it’s awkward.
Because we live in such a politically correct time, we might be afraid to engage the disability community because we don’t always know how, and we might fear saying or doing the wrong thing. But as long as your actions are truly motivated by love, others will feel and appreciate your effort. Don’t be afraid to ask genuine questions about how you can best offer support, and encourage your children to persevere in offering friendship, even if it’s received differently than they expected. We are strong enough to sit in discomfort and even to graciously accept correction or education when it is given.
3. The best way to love me as your friend is to love my child.
This is probably true for all moms of all kids. There is nothing quite like having someone in your life who you know genuinely loves your child, even when they are at their worst- someone who sees the best in them and in you, no matter what. This is especially important as a way to support moms who have children with Autism or significant disabilities. It can be hard to know who to trust with your child or to leave them with if you have an emergency or just need some time away. So take the time to interact with your friend’s child and offer them love, warmth, and support when you’re around them, even in small and simple ways. It doesn’t go unnoticed, and it means the world to their mom.
Thank you, friend, for being the type of woman that wants to reach out and support other moms. Thank you for taking the time to learn how to support moms with kids with disabilities. I truly believe that we all need each other. I’m grateful to be part of this community that I know does that so well.
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>>>Were these takeaways from Katie Blackburn on how to support moms with kids with disabilities helpful? Share in the comments below!
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Related Episodes on Supporting Moms of Kids with Disabilities:
- 405: 3 Tips to Manage Your Mental Load During the Holidays // 3 in 30 Team
- 402: How to Travel More as a Family without Breaking the Bank // Amber Paul
- 237: Our Best Hacks for Summer! A Crowdsourced Episode from the 3 in 30 Community
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