Are you a neurodivergent family?
If so, you know the journey can often feel isolating, exhausting, and uncertain. How can you teach them the essential skills they need? How do you build a strong relationship with them? Are there other moms who share your struggles?
In 2021 my son was diagnosed with ADHD, and one of the recommendations we got was to enroll him in a social pragmatics class. These weekly classes were extremely helpful, and so were the one-on-one meetings with his teacher that I would have every so often. During these meetings, Noah would wait outside in the waiting room while I chatted with his teacher.
I’ll never forget the meeting where I could hear Noah excitedly talking to someone out in the waiting room. “Who is he talking to?” I kept wondering. My curiosity continued to increase as I heard him jabbering away and laughing for the full 20 minutes of my meeting.
When I came out, he was glowing with happiness, and across from him sat a woman who exudes warmth and connection. “Hi, I’m Kim, and you have a fantastic son,” she said.
I will always be grateful to Kim Gameroz. Not only had she been talking with Noah for the full 20 minutes I was in my meeting, but she had closed her laptop and given him her full attention. I was truly impressed and very grateful. Kim didn’t know anything about me or Noah, and yet she chose to make him feel important and cared for. I have never forgotten her kindness.
Kim gave Noah a gift that day. And I hope listening to her today can be a gift for you.
Kim has a master’s in education and is the founder of Teaching Inside Out as well SELebrate Good Times. She also has a book coming out this year called Becoming the Bison, so be sure to look for that. Today, I’ve brought her on the podcast to give ideas and support for the neurodivergent family.
Tips for the Neurodivergent Family:
1. Teach Social and Emotional Skills, Don’t Expect Them®
So many of our kids are born with brains that make the social world tricky for them, and instead of expecting them to just “get it” and then getting angry with them when they don’t perform, we must teach INTO these skills. You can’t just expect a kid to know how to organize or clean their room, get out the door on time, be flexible when they’re not going to eat what they wanted for dinner, or calm themselves down when they are frustrated. They have to be taught HOW to do these things, and it can start with you identifying a pain point in your home and then working backwards to figure out what skill is lacking and how you can make it more visual or concrete for your child. Then practice practice practice with them, and remember that learning can take a long time.
2. Find your people whom you can support and who can support you as you navigate a challenging season.
You’re not meant to do life alone or motherhood alone. And while this can sound easier said than done, Kim recommends that you find three different groups of people: 1) people who need your mentorship, whom you can inspire and guide. This will feel empowering as you realize that you do actually know more than you sometimes give yourself credit for. 2) people who are in the trenches WITH you, in a similar season and going at the same pace as you. You can commiserate with each other and cheer each other on. 3) People who can mentor you and help expand your perspective. Women who have done it before, and who are there to pull you along so you can keep going…even on the hardest of days.
Of course I hope you can find all three types of people in your real-life community and neighborhood, but as Kim mentioned, you can also find likeminded and heart-centered communities online, and I have to say that I see the SAM Sisters in my program taking on all three of these roles for each other. It is inspiring to witness and be a part of.
3. Be Intentional So Others Notice®
This is Kim’s acronym with the word BISON. Be intentional so others notice.
Bison run INTO storms. They are fearless and know that if they run INTO the storms of life, they will come out on the other side faster. We can embrace that same mindset when our children face challenges. By finding our people, and by teaching lagging skills rather than expecting them, we create a sense of grit and growth mindset. When you’re intentional with your parenting, whether or not it feels like it’s really “working,” other people, including your children notice. They may not thank you for it right away, but they notice the ways that you show up for them and the ways that you model social and emotional intelligence and intentionality for them.
It is not always–or really ever–easy, but it is worth doing the hard work to support our children with their struggles, and the more that we face the storms with courage and intention, the more we will find our people to support us and run alongside us.
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>>>What do you think of these tips for the neurodivergent family from Kim? Do you have anything you would add? Share in the comments below!
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Related Episodes on Support for the Neurodivergent Family:
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