Are you overwhelmed with housework?

It is not an unusual scene at my house to have a sink full of dishes or unfolded laundry laying around. I used to feel like I was drowning in all that needed to be done.

I tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker and a perfectionist. Because of this, a self-compassionate attitude towards housework has not always been easy for me to adopt, but it’s become easier and easier as I’ve done lots of therapy and dug into the work of therapists I respect, such as KC Davis.

KC is a mom, therapist, and author. Her book How to Keep House While Drowning has sold over 160,000 copies and is an Amazon and USA Today bestseller. 

KC’s message is simple and perfect for any mom overwhelmed with housework: “Care tasks are morally neutral. You aren’t failing; you’re just having a hard time, and people who are having a hard time deserve compassion. They also deserve nonjudgmental help and advice that works with their brains and lifestyle instead of the cookie-cutter advice we so often get.”

 

I love that she uses the phrase “care tasks” rather than “housework.” She does so because it reminds her that she’s doing these tasks to take care of herself and her family. Cleaning and housework so often become an outside measurement to others of how well we’re doing, but if we reframe them to be self-care, it makes all the difference! Let’s learn more as we jump into her takeaways. 

 

 

KC Davis’s takeaways for moms who are overwhelmed with housework: 

 

1. Change the meaning of mess. 

Try to look at the mess in your house through different eyes: Can you find evidence in the mess of good things about you or your life? You fed your family! Your kids are creative, and you allow them to be! You live a rich life, full of the expected evidence of a rich life! 

You can also look at the mess through an honest but compassionate lens of “I see that I am really struggling right now. And people who are struggling deserve compassion. There is evidence here that I need more support, and I am going to seek it.” I loved how KC puts it when she says, “people that are having a hard time deserve compassion. And I’m people too.” 

This is very different from looking around your house and seeing it as evidence that you are lazy, broken, or a loser.

It will take work to make this a habit, but it’s so powerful, especially if you are overwhelmed with housework. 

 

 

2. Focus on function and start breaking the rules. 

We make up all sorts of rules about how a house “should” run, but when we start thinking about what could make our house function better for us, we come up with lots of creative solutions. This can help so much with the overwhelm of housework! 

Two of KC’s ideas on how to break the rules really stuck out to me: 1) She has a family closet where all the clothes hang and everyone gets dressed. I love the simplicity of this, especially since her children are still young and she needs to help them get dressed. 2) She has a no-fold laundry system. I love that she’s debunking the myth that clothes need to be folded. And let’s be honest, they get wrinkled on our kids’ floors anyway!

Let’s remember that we deserve to function in our homes, and any way we can make that happen is acceptable.

 

 

3. Rest is a right, not a reward. 

When we’re overwhelmed with housework, we often feel we don’t deserve rest until everything on our list is done. But let’s be honest, if we wait to rest until all of our care task responsibilities are complete, we will never rest. As adults, the tasks involved in caring for ourselves and our families are literally never-ending. Rest is a really important part of keeping ourselves in a place where we can function and take care of our family. Getting burned out and over-tired does not serve anyone. 

We have to give ourselves permission to rest, not because we earned it, not because we are having a really hard time for a supposedly “good enough” reason, but because we are human! 

So, this is your permission: REST! Even if the dishes aren’t done. Even if the laundry room’s overflowing. We are human, and humans need rest. 

 

Did your soul breathe a sigh of relief as you listened to that compassionate wisdom? I know mine did. KC’s wisdom has helped ease my overwhelm with housework. 

 

Save this summary to Pinterest so you can use it later!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are these tips from KC Davis on feeling overwhelmed with housework helpful? What would you add to the takeaways? Tell us in the comments below.

 

***

 

Mentioned in the episode:  

My Declutter your Motherhood audio course is for sale. In this course, I teach you how to declutter your motherhood using the same steps to organize a closet. It is a step-by-step guide to help you inventory your overwhelm, edit your expectations, and make room for more joy in your motherhood. It is 100% audio, so no need to sit down at a computer or log in to watch a bunch of videos. Learn more at 3in30podcast.com/declutter

 

 

Related Episodes like this on Feeling Overwhelmed with Housework: 

• 161: Cleaning & Organization Strategies for the Naturally-Messy Mom // Candi Kidd
• 268: More Peace, Less Frustration: The Power of Family Systems // Susie Salinas
• 074: How to Be the Mom You Are—Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be (Encore!) // Julie Bastedo
  
  

About our Guest:

KC Davis is a mom, therapist, and author. Her book How to Keep House While Drowning has sold over 160,000 copies and is an Amazon and USA Today bestseller. Shortly after KC had her second baby, the world locked down from COVID and the stress of being postpartum during the pandemic soon sent her into postpartum depression.

One glaring result of her struggle was that her house had become unmanageable. Having been a messy but functional person all her life, it was surprising to find that housework had suddenly exceeded her ability to cope. She began making TikTok videos about cleaning, cooking, and hygiene for all the other people that were struggling and shared the tips and life hacks that were helping her. KC lives in Houston with her husband and their two daughters, age 3 and 5. 

 

Get in touch with our Guest! 

• Website: ​​strugglecare.com
• Podcast: Struggle Care
• Instagram: @strugglecare
• Tiktok:@domesticblisters

 

Sponsors:

• BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.
• Tushbaby:  Whether you’re carrying a kid who wants to see the world, or just looking to save your back, Tushbaby is here to make parenting a little easier, one day or carry at a time. Visit tushbaby.com and start customizing your own carrier. Make sure to use code 3in30 for 20 percent off your first order.

 

Let’s Connect!

• Join me on Instagram!
• Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life
• Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course