How to Manage Disappointment When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned…
When I was engaged in my early twenties, I made Ryan a cheesy mixed CD filled with songs that I thought perfectly captured our future together. I imagined a house full of children, laughter, chaos, and love—“just another day in paradise.” But life has had its own ideas.
Though our life is beautiful in so many ways, it also holds disappointment and heartache I never expected. That’s why this week’s episode with Jessica N. Turner felt especially meaningful to me—and I think it will be for you too.
Jessica is the author of I Thought It Would Be Better Than This, a book about navigating grief and disappointment when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would. In our conversation, she shares her own story of a midlife divorce, along with the hard-won wisdom she’s gained about how to move forward with grace, agency, and hope.
Whether you’re walking through infertility, the end of a relationship, financial struggles, or simply the quiet grief of unmet expectations, this episode offers perspective and practical tools for healing.
3 Takeaways from Jennifer N. Turner on How to Manage Disappointments:
1. You have agency over your circumstances, even if you did not control them or choose them.
Jessica says: “While I didn’t have control over what happened with my marriage, I knew that I had control over how I was going to respond and who I was going to become. I had agency over plenty of my story, and I was determined to be uncompromising in the steps I took to heal. I invested in hundreds of hours of therapy; poured into relationships with family, friends, and new partners; had new experiences; and changed my life. It wasn’t a singular moment of saying, ‘I am not staying in this,’ but a rather collection of moments along the way where I chose to believe that a different future was possible for me and took steps towards that future.”
2. Become a student of your situation
One of the universal truths about disappointment is that we all experience disappointment because of unmet expectations. Regardless of whether these expectations were valid, understanding the why behind our expectations is important, as it helps us to reframe the mindsets that aren’t serving us. Jessica encourages us to become a student of our situation as we reflect on questions such as
- Why did I believe that my life would look a certain way and what makes it so painful to let go of that belief?
- How do I define success or failure in this area, and why? Could there be a different but equally valid definition?Having a trained therapist to guide you can be incredibly helpful as you explore questions like these, and Jessica and I both encourage writing and journaling as you process your emotions and insights on the path to healing.
3. If you have regrets, give grace to your younger self.
In whatever disappointments in life that you are currently carrying, it can be easy to look back with a lot of self-blame, anger, and regret at the things you feel like you should have or could have done differently. It can be important to feel those feelings for a while and talk about them with a trusted therapist and friends or sisters. But ultimately, a key to your healing will be moving past that regret and self-blame and recognizing that you couldn’t have known then what you know now.
Go for walks and think about that younger version of yourself who was doing the best they could with the information and emotional capacity that they had at that time. Write your younger self a letter if you need to and express compassion and forgiveness. Do whatever feels authentic and helpful as you learn to let go of your regret, offer grace to your younger self, and start to see every part of your story as integral to the strong and beautiful woman that you are becoming.
Friend, if you’re holding grief right now—whether it’s loud and raw, or quiet and lingering—I hope this episode reminds you that you’re not alone. There is still beauty ahead. You are still becoming. And you are worthy of love and gentleness in the process.
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What did you think of Jennifer N. Turner’s tips on how to manage life’s disappointments? Share with me in the comments below!
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Related Episodes like this on How to Manage Disappointments:
About our Guest:
Jessica N. Turner has spent the last two decades as a content creator and tastemaker for busy moms looking for hacks to live life with more intention and less stress. Additionally, Jessica is an award-winning content strategist, marketing professional, speaker, and author of several books, including her latest, I Thought It Would Be Better Than This: Rise From Disappointment, Regain Control, and Rebuild a Life You Love. Jessica lives with her three children in Nashville, Tennessee.
Get in touch with our Guest!
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Website: https://jessicanturner.com/
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Instagram:@jessicanturner
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMomCreative/
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