How to Support a Loved One with Mental Illness

Hello, my friends. I am writing this during one of the saddest weeks of my life, and I wanted to tell you about what's happening because I can't just go on with the podcast business as usual and not let you know that my family and I are heartbroken right now because we found out last Sunday morning that my beloved brother-in-law, Logan McKenna, died unexpectedly, and he was only 44 years old. He was so incredibly special, And we are simply shattered by this loss.

As soon as I got the call, I got into my car and started driving to Utah to be with my sister and her two teenage children, Callum and Jade. And as I was driving and trying to wrap my mind around the immensity of this loss, I thought, "I am so glad that Logan agreed to be a guest on my podcast a year ago so that we can have his goodness and wisdom recorded forevermore."

If you've listened to my podcast for a while, you may remember this episode that originally aired in February of 2025, where Logan talked about how to support a loved one who's struggling with mental illness. I decided to re-air that episode on the podcast today as a tribute to him, so everyone who listens will get a taste of just how good he was and will understand just how much he will be missed.

This is a loss that's impossible to put into words, and our family isn't going to be okay for a very, very long time. And in the midst of my grief, I've been wondering how it might be best to move forward with the podcast.

The next few months are going to be so difficult, but fortunately, I had pre-recorded several episodes for the month of June, before this loss happened, I'd done those interviews, and I had already planned to air encore episodes in the month of July so that I could spend more time with my family. And it feels like such a blessing right now that I worked ahead so I can be fully present with my sister in the coming weeks and months.

I think that I will be able to continue airing a weekly episode, and I also know that if I can't, this community will completely understand. I just want you to know that everything you hear in the coming weeks will be interviews that I recorded prior to this loss, and I might have my Communications Manager, Steph, record some of the intros and ads for me. I'm not sure yet. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

But today, I wanted to let you know what's going on, and I wanted to share my grief with you because I care about this community, and I'm so unbelievably grateful to get to do this work. So thank you for loving me and my family, and I hope that today's episode with my truly remarkable brother-in-law will be an inspiration to you. The world has lost one of the most special souls who ever lived, and I will be clinging to his memory and his legacy this week and always.

So here are Logan's takeaways from February 2025 on how to support a loved one with mental illness:

3 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

Don’t blame the sufferer. Their illness is real, their pain is real, and they are not choosing to struggle. The advice to “Just be happy” or “Try harder” is neither helpful nor compassionate–and even if you are only thinking those things, not saying them aloud, your loved one will feel your judgment and lack of understanding. Choose to believe in the validity of their experience, even if it’s an experience that you’ve never shared.

Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t cause their struggle, and likewise, you can’t solve their struggle. It’s good to learn what you can about their condition and to offer ideas and loving support–but don’t put the pressure on yourself to solve it or to always mirror their emotions and take them on as your own. The sooner that you stop blaming them and stop blaming yourself, the sooner you will be able to peacefully embody Logan’s third and final takeaway…

Surrender. This doesn’t mean give up or stop trying to find treatment options…it means to surrender the illusion of control that we human beings cling to–the belief that we can figure everything out so we don’t have to face our innate vulnerability and the frightening reality that life is often hard and unfair. When we surrender to that truth, we also start to surrender to “a grace too powerful to name,” which is Love. Love can give us insight into what is needed in our situation, as well as hope that we are going to get through it.

If you could use some more ideas and support as you or a loved one, navigate struggles with mental health. I want to make sure that you know about the free handout that my team and I created with our best ideas, as well as the advice from many of our podcasts guests, on how to manage mental illness day to day.

Within this handout, there's also a playlist of every episode we've ever aired about mental health on 3in30. So, if you want to dive deeper into this topic, click the link below, or go to 3in30podcast.com/mental health to get that resource.

Friends navigating these challenges is hard. It just is, and no takeaway will completely take that away. But I hope that Logan's advice today helps lighten your load just a little.