I've told this story probably a hundred times, and I keep telling it because I think all of us moms need to hear it on repeat.
My friend Laney is one of those people who says exactly what she thinks. A few years ago, she called me after reading an article about mom guilt, and she was genuinely puzzled by it. She asked me, "Rachel, is mom guilt even a real thing? Do moms actually feel like they aren't enough for their kids?" I laughed and told her that yes, absolutely, many of us do. And she said — in that completely unfiltered Laney way — "The only thing I ever feel guilty about is how often I think my kids are so lucky to have me."
I burst out laughing. And then she kept going. She listed everything her kids had — parents who loved them, grandparents, good schools, food, beds, clean water, people who showed up for them — and then she said, "I'm not going to waste my time feeling bad about myself because they watch a little too much TV or eat more sugar than I'd like. My kids know I love them. I'm doing my best, and they are lucky to have me."
That conversation has stayed with me for years. And I can honestly say that, now, I feel the same way as Laney did all those years ago! I've done the work — the real, slow, unglamorous work — of releasing the definition of a good mom that I was holding over my own head, and most days I genuinely feel good about how I show up for my kids. That doesn't mean I never have hard moments, but the guilt spiral that used to follow those moments doesn't usually happen anymore.
Today's guest is JoAnn Crohn, certified life coach, founder of No Guilt Mom, host of the award-winning No Guilt Mom Podcast, and author of the new book The Best Mom is a Happy Mom: Stop Doing It All and Be a Role Model for Your Kids. She helps moms go from martyr to model, and this conversation is full of really practical, honest tools for getting there.
So, if you're feeling weighed down by a ton of mom guilt and struggling to find happiness in your motherhood, I hope you find JoAnn's wisdom helpful.
Let's dive in.
3 KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Get honest about what you're actually feeling within your role as a mom and family life manager. Are you just feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with your kids, or is there more there? is there resentment, loneliness, and even feelings of abandonment within family life? These are words worth being honest about, even when they feel too big or too dramatic for what you're describing. That clarity is what makes real change possible.
- Stop over-functioning and invite your family into shared responsibility. You don't all have to share the load equally, but there should be equity and fairness with what you and your partner are carrying, particularly with those "daily grind" tasks that need to happen day-in-and-day-out. And if your kids are old enough, they should be carrying some of this burden too, which I know is easier said than done, but a connected conversation about the type of equitable home and respectful relationships you're hoping to build is a great place to start.
- Let go of what you think a good mom is — and release the guilt that comes when you fall short of that definition. JoAnn introduced Dr. Jen Reed's guilt equation: take your expectations, subtract reality, and what's left is the guilt you feel. Which means the guilt isn't always evidence that you did something wrong — sometimes it's just evidence that your expectations need revisiting.
That third takeaway connects so beautifully to something I wanted to share with you. I recently received a voice message from a mom who went through my Motherhood Decluttered course, and I think you'll find her words really meaningful.
If that resonated with you, Motherhood Decluttered is my audio course that walks you through exactly that process. You can find it at 3in30podcast.com/declutter. It's the perfect thing to listen to when you want to sneak away for a solo walk and a bit of soul-care during your busy summer.
To make it even more accessible, I'm going to create a limited-time discount code if you want to grab the audio course now so you can figure out some concrete ways to be a happier, lighter, more balanced mom this summer. Use code SUMMER for 10% off before the end of June!
I hope you can enjoy summertime with your kids, my friend. As always, I'm rooting for you, and I hope you have a beautiful week with your family.
Related Episodes:
Get in Touch with Our Guest:
- Website: www.noguiltmom.com
- Book: The Best Mom is a Happy Mom
Sponsors:
Tushy Bidet: For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you go to HelloTUSHY.com and use promo code 3in30.
First Day: For a limited time only, our listeners are getting an insane deal. Use code 3IN30 to get up to 57% Off at FirstDay.com.
Knix Teen: It's not just underwear; it's giving our girls the confidence they deserve. Go to KnixTeen.com and use code 3IN30 for 15 percent off.
Air Doctor: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code 3IN30 to get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000, and 5500 models.
Fodzyme: We're so excited to partner with FODZYME and offer you 30% off your first order when you go to icaneatagain.com/3in30.com.
50 Ways to Lighten Your Mental Load
Are you feeling overwhelmed? Being a mom is a LOT! But there are things you can start today that can help. Grab this worksheet filled with 50 mental load lighteners to get started!