People are often amazed by just how close my sisters and I are to my dad. Our mom passed away when we were teenagers, so Dad planned our weddings, comes to help us after we have babies, and talks to us frequently about our lives.
I truly believe that the small but meaningful ways my dad bonded with us when we were young made all the difference when we lost our mom; we already had a solid relationship with him that has since blossomed into something truly beautiful and unique.
If you want a rock solid, life-long bond with your children, here are three easy ways that I learned from my dad:
- Play with them. Rely on small but consistent & memorable traditions.
- Talk with them. Show them you welcome and can handle their questions, and schedule regular times to check-in.
- Feel with them. Sit with them in their disappointments and their fears without trying to fix it.
I have teamed up with one of my dear friends, Monica Packer, who is the host of About Progress to launch Podcast University. It is an online school for all things podcasting, and we want to help you start or grow a podcast! Our first course Podcasting 101 is open for enrollment through the end of June. You can also take part in one of our FREE classes this month: 3 Things You Must Know Before You Start a Podcast.
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As a follow up to our wonderful series with Katherine Reynolds Lewis (click to listen to Part 1 and Part 2), I knew I wanted to re-air Episode 19 with Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 18 years of experience teaching children the skills they need to self-regulate.
All of our kids get stuck in behaviors that are difficult for us and others to deal with–perhaps it’s whining, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or defiance. According to Chrissty, these neurological “loops” can be rewired. She does it every day in her private practice, and, in this week’s episode, she teaches us how to do it in our homes! We can follow this simple three-step process with our kids:
1) Identify the specific troublesome behavior, and then ask yourself, “What SKILL does my child need to learn in order to change this behavior?”
2) Sit down with the child and make a GOAL to learn the new skill. Have him or her make it visual by writing it down and/or drawing a picture. Consider adding a hand cue.
3) Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise whenever the child is working on their goal, and consider adding additional reinforcement through earning privileges, if needed.
Chrissy offers so many fantastic tips and interesting bits of research throughout the interview. You won’t want to miss it, especially if you sometimes struggle with knowing how to help your children change.
Are you interested in starting or growing your podcast?? I am so excited to announce a project I’ve been working on for months with my dear friend and podcasting colleague, Monica Packer. (Drum roll please!) Announcing… Podcast University!
Our mission with Podcast U is to help heart-fueled women build podcasts that make a difference. We would love to help YOU build a podcast you will love. Please go to 3in30podcast.com/podcastu for more information.
And don’t forget, we are offering several FREE classes this month. Click here to sign up for a spot now! aboutprogress.com/freeclass
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Last week, Katherine Reynolds Lewis, the author of The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– And What to Do About It, taught us that children today are fundamentally different than past generations. Not because they’re born different, but because the world they are growing up in is so different. In previous generations, typical kids developed self-regulation skills through their day-to-day life of playing with friends, being outside, and working alongside their families. But modern cultural factors including less unstructured play and time outdoors, more exposure to media and technology, and more pressure from academic and extra curricular expectations are undermining the natural development of impulse control, self confidence and patience within our kids.
Katherine Reynolds Lewis spent over five years researching parenting and discipline techniques, and she found that there are many effective discipline methods in practice today that teach children how to take ownership of their choices and their emotions and gain the emotional skills they need to self regulate. These transformative discipline methods all share some common elements (that all happen to start with “C”):
- Connection: Relationship is the foundation. If we try to discipline our kids before we have that connection, it’s not going to go well.
- Communication: Asking questions, posing “what ifs” and getting more information helps children to process and build their problem-solving and critical-thinking skills
- Capability-building: We must focus on helping children build both life skills around the house and social and emotional skills.
If you missed last week’s episode, part one of this discussion, you are going to want to go back and listen to that!
Want an opportunity to win one of my workshop gift bags??? They have products from the five mom-run businesses that have been featured on the podcast the last couple of weeks. This is a $100 value, and all you have to do is fill out a 3 in 30 Demographic Survey. Whether or not you are interested in a gift bag, I would really appreciate you taking a few minutes to fill out the survey.
There’s no question that parenting has been difficult for every generation– but has it always been this difficult? I’ll admit, my dreams of parenthood were idealized in many ways, but I often wonder if the day will ever come that my children actually stay in their seats at dinner long enough for good conversation and connection. I wonder if their big emotions and high energy will continue to affect our everyday lives, or if we will be able to have memorable outings that don’t require quite so much emotional energy with managing expectations and refereeing.
Katherine Reynolds Lewis, an award-winning journalist and certified parent educator, had the same questions as she raised her own strong-willed children. The more she looked around at other parents and children, the more she realized that she wasn’t alone–kids today just seemed to be harder, even though parents devote more time and energy to their children than in any other generation.
This seeming epidemic of strong-willed kids with difficult behavior is the reason that she embarked on writing her book, The Good News About Bad Behavior– Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever and What to Do About It.
After years of incredibly detailed research, Katherine found there are three overarching reasons why kids today have less ability to regulate their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors:
- The decline in unstructured play and outdoor time.
- The growth of media and technology .
- The increased focus on achievement and performance, instead of character and contribution.
In this episode, Katherine unpacks each of these areas and gives suggestions for what we as modern parents can do about it.
And don’t forget to come back next week for part two of this super interesting discussion!
Katherine’s website: katherinerlewis.com
Katherine’s Instagram: @katherinereynoldslewis
Katherine’s book: The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– and What To Do About It
We are so grateful for our 3 in 30 Sponsors! Thanks to Jill from j-coterie.com, our fifth and final sponsor from my Declutter Your Motherhood Workshop in Utah.
Get 20% off your order through 6/30 with the code 3in30!
We’ve all heard the old saying, “Moms shouldn’t be allowed to get sick!” And it’s true–we shouldn’t! We need to take care of our families, and family life doesn’t just pause when Mom isn’t feeling well. It’s hard enough for the household to continue functioning for a week when Mom gets a bad cold or the flu, but when a mother faces chronic illness or pain, that can be a truly devastating trial.
I’ve personally had a taste of this because I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition several years ago, and the medication I take for it causes kidney stones. For me, the most difficult part is how discouraged I sometimes feel when I can’t care for my family in the way that I would like to.
Several months ago, in the midst of kidney stone pain, I reached out to Becky Farley and Candace Little, the founders of Mindful Art Company, and asked for their best tips on using mindfulness to cope with illness. They sent back the three takeaways that are the basis of our conversation today:
- Separate your pain from your suffering. Pain x Resistance = Suffering
- Allow pain to fix you. What is the pain telling you about what you or your body needs? Listen!
- Meditate. Tuning into your body instead of resisting it doesn’t necessarily take away the pain, but it makes it easier to deal with.
These three strategies have been so helpful to me as I’ve battled my own health problems the past year, and I hope they will help many mothers who are listening, as well.
–Meditation Art Kit or MAK Pack: 4 lessons, and with each lesson you get a meditation, a story, and an art project to create common emotional language with your kids. (And they are also super fun!) Use the code HALFOFF for 50% off any of their downloadable products this month!
–Self-Compassionate & Art Workshop in Salt Lake City on Saturday, June 15th. Use the code 3IN30 for $30 off.
Codes expire 5/31/19~