Do you have a struggling teenager who is floundering or fighting with you constantly? 😵

My older sister Sarah had a few rough years in high school. I don’t remember all of the particulars, but I remember that she hung out with a group of friends who liked to party, she attracted lots of attention from guys that my parents weren’t exactly thrilled about, and she pushed back against our religious upbringing, wanting to find her own way and not be told what to believe. 

My parents worried about Sarah a lot. They worried about the influence of the friends she hung out with, her choices with the boys she was dating, and the combativeness that had developed in their relationship. There were a few years there when Sarah and my parents fought a lot.

But all of that started to change in the summer between my sister’s junior and senior years of high school. This was the summer when Sarah’s story began to change. 

To hear the whole story, listen to the episode 👆(haha – do you like that not-so-subtle plug?). 😚

 

As Sarah’s story changed, she changed. She transformed from a struggling teenager to a kinder, more confident person. 

 

I thought of my sister Sarah’s transformation when I read a book recently called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. In this book, New York Times Best Selling author Donald Miller explores how we all love to watch great stories in the movies and read great stories in novels—but many of us aren’t living a great story. 

Most of us are living boring, lackluster lives without many meaningful challenges or adventures and then wondering why we aren’t happy. Within the memoir, he shares how he examined the principles of story that an author would use to write a novel or screenplay and applied them to his life. What he found was a depth of personal character and a joyful existence he hadn’t known before. He says:

 

“Once you’ve lived a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can’t go back to being normal.  You can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.”  

 

I related this so much to what my sister had experienced. She found a new story – a story where she knew she was playing an important and meaningful role. After this, she didn’t want to return to her cliché story of struggling teenager rebellion. She wanted to be and do something better.

So, how do we apply these principles to our teenagers? How do we help them see within themselves the hero of a truly great story? 

 

3 Takeaways for How to Help Your Struggling Teenager Create a Better Story:

 

1) Trust the story that they want to create. 

If your teenagers come to you wanting to try something new, scary, or far-fetched, let them! This is their chance to push their limits, learn from their mistakes, and grow into the heroes that, deep down, they want to be. 

Of course, you don’t have to fly your kids all over the world for them to live a cool story, but you can lean into their ideas, trust their instincts, and nurture their gifts.

 

2) Create an opportunity for them to live a better story.

Sometimes, you are really going to have to take the initiative in creating a better story for your teenager. If your teen doesn’t take the initiative to develop their own story, start researching and help them find it! You know their gifts and interests. Look at the “seeds” of the stories that are already playing out in their lives and encourage them to follow those.

 

3) Improve the current story by adding memorable scenes.

All great stories have memorable moments. One of the ways you can help your teenager create memorable scenes is to embrace whimsy. Whimsy is “the nagging idea that life could be magical, that it could be special if we were only willing to take a few risks.” You can also add memorable moments by embracing difficult challenges that help your teens grow. Get creative! Think about ways you can add special moments to your family’s story. 

 

 

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Were these takeaways for how to help your struggling teenager create a better story helpful? Share below! We love hearing from you!

 

 

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Related Episodes like this one on Parenting a Struggling Teenager:

• 303: How to Talk to Teenagers // Brooke Romney
• 358: Creating Golden Moments with Teenagers // Saren Eyre Loosli
• 362: What to do When You Always Feel Like the “Bad Guy” // Joey Mascio
  
  

 

Mentioned in the Episode:

• Episode’s Worksheet: A helpful worksheet to guide you as you help your teen develop a better story.

• Parenting Teens Playlist: Sign up for a private podcast feed that includes every episode from 3 in 30 on parenting teens.