It’s TEEN MONTH at 3 in 30, and I’m so excited to kick it off with two of my motherhood mentors, Tiffany Sowby and Allyson Reynolds, who I met about seven years ago when I worked for the organization Power of Moms.
The transition into motherhood and the different stages of it often comes with unexpected loneliness. As our children get older, their needs change, and they need us in different ways than they did when they were young.
Tiffany and Allison have 9 children between them, ranging in age from 21 down to 10 years old, and according to them, “What is hard when kids are little is easy when they’re older, and what is easy when they’re little can be challenging as they get older.”
Today, Tiffany and Allyson are sharing three takeaways for combating “the unexpected loneliness of parenting teens”:
- Find friends in real life you can trust. Unlike so much of the parenting advice that comes through social media, sharing the heavier things requires privacy and connection.
- Seek out resources that are available, including professional help. Book, blogs, and podcasts are easier to find for moms of young children, but they are still out there for moms of teens! And everyone needs a therapist!
- Enjoy the good. Even though your teens aren’t with you as often, it is truly FUN when they are: in these years, you get to develop your friendship with them and see their unique personalities emerge.
We’ve all heard the old saying, “Moms shouldn’t be allowed to get sick!” And it’s true–we shouldn’t! We need to take care of our families, and family life doesn’t just pause when Mom isn’t feeling well. It’s hard enough for the household to continue functioning for a week when Mom gets a bad cold or the flu, but when a mother faces chronic illness or pain, that can be a truly devastating trial.
I’ve personally had a taste of this because I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition several years ago, and the medication I take for it causes kidney stones. For me, the most difficult part is how discouraged I sometimes feel when I can’t care for my family in the way that I would like to.
Several months ago, in the midst of kidney stone pain, I reached out to Becky Farley and Candace Little, the founders of Mindful Art Company, and asked for their best tips on using mindfulness to cope with illness. They sent back the three takeaways that are the basis of our conversation today:
- Separate your pain from your suffering. Pain x Resistance = Suffering
- Allow pain to fix you. What is the pain telling you about what you or your body needs? Listen!
- Meditate. Tuning into your body instead of resisting it doesn’t necessarily take away the pain, but it makes it easier to deal with.
These three strategies have been so helpful to me as I’ve battled my own health problems the past year, and I hope they will help many mothers who are listening, as well.
–Meditation Art Kit or MAK Pack: 4 lessons, and with each lesson you get a meditation, a story, and an art project to create common emotional language with your kids. (And they are also super fun!) Use the code HALFOFF for 50% off any of their downloadable products this month!
–Self-Compassionate & Art Workshop in Salt Lake City on Saturday, June 15th. Use the code 3IN30 for $30 off.
Codes expire 5/31/19~
We are so grateful to Mindful Art Company for being a sponsor of the Declutter Your Motherhood Workshop in Utah!
The more I share my heart on this podcast, the more often people reach out to me and share their hearts and stories. And over the past year, many listeners have told me about their heartache over *not* being raised by a loving mother.
I’ve had listeners relay stories to me about mothers who were emotionally absent or even emotionally or physically abusive. These listeners confide in me what a sometimes overwhelming task it is to be a loving mother when you never really saw that modeled.
But these warrior mothers are doing all that they can to change the trajectory of that family pattern of parenting. To raise their own children with the love that they themselves were not given.
Today on the podcast, I have one of those warrior moms who’s going to share her insights on how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one. Sarah Badat-Richardson was born and raised in Reunion Island off the coast of South Africa, and she now lives in Hawaii. She’s a blogger and has also published articles on the website Power of Moms. She runs an international self-defense school with her husband, and she is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. One of her greatest accomplishments is that she is the mother to a beautiful 9-year-old girl, and she works every day to overcome the difficult relationship she had with her own mother so she can become the mother she wants to be for her daughter.
Sarah shares some of her journey with us today, and her three insightful takeaways are:
- Accept your plight. Accept who your mother was or is, and accept that the way you were brought up is not your fault.
- Bring your healthiest self. Take care of your body through food, sleep, and nutrition, and take care of your soul by paying attention to your thoughts and words.
- Embrace who you are. Share your talents and passions with your children, and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you do.
Sarah’s blog: sarahbadatrichardson.com
Sarah’s essay she wrote in preparation for our interview: sarahbadatrichardson.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-even-if-you-didnt-have-one
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karl McBride
Jody Moore’s podcast Better Than Happy
Sarah’s three favorite mothers in literature: 1. Ma from Little House on the Prarie, 2. Marmie from Little Women, 3. Jo from Little Men
Dr. Laura quote:
“You have two chances at a healthy parent-child relationship. The first time, you’re a child and you have no power. The second time, you’re the parent and you have all the power.”
Many thanks to our Declutter our Motherhood Workshop Sponsors!!
- Honey Coast Home–The first ten orders to use the code 3in30 get a free Lemon-Aid candle!
- Missy VanWagoner–20% off this week only if you email or DM Missy directly and tell her you heard about her on the 3in30! email@example.com, @missyvanwagoner on Instagram
- Simple and Blush Headscarves–20% off with the code 3in30
On Monday, I released an episode about intuitive eating with one of my best friends, Taryn Palmer, who is a registered dietician and nutritionist. I knew that episode was really just going to be an introduction to that big and important topic, and I wanted to dig a little deeper and share more of my story.
So for today’s bonus episode, I am going to share three essays I wrote while I was in therapy for an eating disorder. I think through these three different pieces of writing, you’ll be able to see the progression that my recovery took, how much intuitive eating truly helped to free me, and where I’m at today:
2. The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder (narrative therapy)
There are so many incredible therapists, registered dietitians, and resources to help you become more familiar with intuitive eating. Here are are some to get you started:
Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
THIS POST on my Instagram where I shared about this week’s episode is filled with great resources in the comments!
They say love is patient; love is kind. But the truth is, sometimes it’s not EASY for love to be either of those things, especially when you are facing a devastating betrayal.
“Betrayal” can be discovering a spouse’s affair or addiction, learning that he/she has not been honest in their business dealings and has put the family’s well-being in jeopardy, and many other situations. You are faced with shattering grief, and often don’t know where to turn for support because the trial is so personal and involves someone else. It can feel so isolating.
Mika Perry—a mother, blogger, and professional organizer—has been there. In 2012 she discovered that her husband, Russ, was having an affair. Over the years since, she and Russ have worked toward healing and now openly share their story to help those suffering in silence.
Today on the show, Mika shares her experience of what life after betrayal looked like for her and how it ultimately led to a life of truth, abundance, faith, and purpose.
This is an incredibly personal and tender topic, and whether or not you choose to stay married after a betrayal, this episode will bring you hope. Please pass the episode along to someone who might need to know they are not alone.
Mika’s Instagram: @mikaperry
Mika’s website: mikaperry.com
-The blog post where Mika first opened up about the affair:
Mika and Russ’ podcast “Good to be Home.” Episode 2 is where Mika and Russ share their story
Russ Perry’s book, The Sober Entrepreneur: starts with affair and goes through the process of getting sober and building a business.
If you are struggling with betrayal trauma, here are some resources:
Caitlin Olson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializes in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. You can find her on Instagram: @caitlinolsenmft
Sariah Hoffman, certified yoga therapist, of @backpocketyoga on Instagram
Ashlynn and Coby on Instagram: @ashlynnandcoby and their podcast “The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert” features 3 different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, recovery, betrayal and addiction.
Rachel and Jenae specialize in betrayal trauma (BT)- find them on Instagram: @couchtalktime
Center for Hope and Healing in Lehi, UT
Betrayal Trauma Recovery btr.org
What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Ann Croshaw
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner