This is the first time I’ve ever cried while recording a podcast episode. It’s also the first time I’ve ever recorded while whispering in a bathroom during a family reunion. So basically, prepare yourself–this is going to be vulnerable and possibly bizarre for 3 in 30! Ultimately, I hope it’s helpful as you navigate your own relationships and consider how to show more love in situations that can be complicated.
The beginning of this episode is an excerpt from my interview with Tony Overbay for *his* podcast, The Virtual Couch. Tony is such a warm and caring podcast host, I felt comfortable sharing one of the most sacred experiences of my life with him–and now I share it with you. I can truly say that this experience with prayer changed the course of my life.
In the second half of the episode, I add three takeaways and further explain my thoughts on how to love someone when it’s hard.
This episode is truly a piece of my heart and soul. I hope you enjoy it.
-Full episode on Tony Overbay’s podcast, The Virtual Couch: http://www.tonyoverbay.com/2018/05/07/episode-54-in-vitro-fertilization-and-open-adoption-w-rachel-nielson-host-of-3-in-30-takeaways-for-moms/
-Mother on Instagram who I love to follow: https://www.instagram.com/kellyejensen/
The past few weeks at our house have been so busy that I’ve slipped into some negative self-talk and coping behaviors. Whenever this happens, I feel so frustrated with myself, thinking, “Rachel, you know better than this! You’ve learned great strategies in counseling over the past six years to help you stay in the positive!”
That’s when I remind myself that recovery isn’t linear. We can have little setbacks along the way, without being all the way back at the beginning. Yes, I’ve come a long way since the beginning of my therapy journey, but I’m still learning and practicing–and that’s okay.
This Encore episode is as much as reminder for ME as it is for you. I’ve recorded a new intro to tell you what’s going on in my life right now, and then I re-air what I consider to be one of the most important episodes I’ve ever published.
Whether or not you’ve listened to this episode before, I hope you will listen!
“The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder” (narrative therapy): https://powerofmoms.com/eating-disorder/
“Listening to and Loving your Body through Intuitive Eating” (podcast on Power of Moms): https://powerofmoms.com/intuitive-eating/
A few years ago, I had a phone conversation with a friend that changed my perspective forever. She told me why she never feels mom-guilt. And I loved her wisdom and think of it often.
Listen to this week’s episode to hear her advice, as well as three strategies that I use frequently when I feel the mom-guilt sneaking in:
1) List all of the blessings that your kids have in their lives, from you and others.
2) Reject “filtered-thinking.” Zoom out so you can see the big-picture of yourself and your kids’ lives.
3) Examine whether your guilt is beckoning you higher, or dragging you down lower.
I love to hear from you! Let me know what resonated from this episode or others at @3in30podcast on Instagram or firstname.lastname@example.org.
-Organization I worked with in South Africa: https://helponenow.org/south-africa/
-More about the people I worked with in South Africa: http://fyionrachandry.blogspot.com/2016/11/i-want-to-introduce-you-to-people-who.html
-Episode about the three best tools I learned in counseling, including how to recognize and combat “filtered-thinking”: https://3in30podcast.com/ep-012-stop-mehan-3-best-tools-learned-counseling/
-Another great episode to help combat mom-guilt, “How to Be the Mom You Are, Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be”: https://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/
-Last week’s episode “How to Stop Looking at Your Phone So Much–And Why It Matters”: https://3in30podcast.com/lookup/
Five years ago, I realized that I needed to go to counseling. I had been coping with stress and heartache through both undereating and overeating for almost ten years, and my negative thoughts about myself had become debilitating and all-consuming.
I sought treatment from an outpatient eating disorder clinic, and I fully expected my counselor to teach me how to control my eating; instead, my counselor went to the root of the problem and taught me how to control my thinking.
I learned that destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders) are part of a three-part cycle: we have a negative thought about ourselves, we then feel a negative emotion about ourselves, and we then cope with that feeling through a destructive behavior. In order to stop this cycle, we must have strategies to stop the negative self-talk that starts it all in the first place!
Whether or not you’ve ever struggled with an eating disorder, I think this episode will benefit you. I share three of the best tools that I learned in counseling:
1) Reject “filtered thinking” and embrace “big-picture thinking.”
2) Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend, sister, or daughter.
3) Use “coping statements” to help you re-center and stay calm in moments when you might spiral into despair.
I truly believe that almost no topic is more important for women and mothers–so I hope you will listen, and let me know what you think in the comments.
Listening to and Loving your Body through Intuitive Eating (podcast with Power of Moms): https://powerofmoms.com/intuitive-eating/
“The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder” (full narrative therapy): https://powerofmoms.com/eating-disorder/