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Last week, Katherine Reynolds Lewis, the author of The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– And What to Do About It, taught us that children today are fundamentally different than past generations. Not because they’re born different, but because the world they are growing up in is so different. In previous generations, typical kids developed self-regulation skills through their day-to-day life of playing with friends, being outside, and working alongside their families. But modern cultural factors including less unstructured play and time outdoors, more exposure to media and technology, and more pressure from academic and extra curricular expectations are undermining the natural development of impulse control, self confidence and patience within our kids.
Katherine Reynolds Lewis spent over five years researching parenting and discipline techniques, and she found that there are many effective discipline methods in practice today that teach children how to take ownership of their choices and their emotions and gain the emotional skills they need to self regulate. These transformative discipline methods all share some common elements (that all happen to start with “C”):
- Connection: Relationship is the foundation. If we try to discipline our kids before we have that connection, it’s not going to go well.
- Communication: Asking questions, posing “what ifs” and getting more information helps children to process and build their problem-solving and critical-thinking skills
- Capability-building: We must focus on helping children build both life skills around the house and social and emotional skills.
If you missed last week’s episode, part one of this discussion, you are going to want to go back and listen to that!
Want an opportunity to win one of my workshop gift bags??? They have products from the five mom-run businesses that have been featured on the podcast the last couple of weeks. This is a $100 value, and all you have to do is fill out a 3 in 30 Demographic Survey. Whether or not you are interested in a gift bag, I would really appreciate you taking a few minutes to fill out the survey.
Our little kids come with big emotions—too big, it sometimes seems, for their little bodies. And sometimes (often?) those feelings just come bursting out in bizarre and irrational behaviors.
As parents, this can bring out the bizarre and irrational in us as well, despite our best intentions to stay calm and level-headed.
Georgia Anderson of knowhowmom.com is a wife, mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. She has taught parenting classes for three decades and is a Certified Active Parenting Instructor and a Gottman Trained Educator.
Georgia has become my dear friend and mentor, and I’m so happy to be re-airing our interview today. As part of my break this month (or my “pause”–see last week’s episode), I want to recommit to staying calm and coaching my two amazing kids through their big emotions. This is the type of parent that I truly want to be!
In this episode, Georigia walks us through three of the steps to “emotion coach” our children through their big emotions:
1) Notice and validate emotions when they are small.
2) Put words to emotions–phrased tentatively, so a child can feel ownership to correct you. Ex: “It seems like you are frustrated that your sister isn’t sharing with you. Is that right?”
3) Set limits and problem solve. (All feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are acceptable.)
There are so many gems and insights in this episode, as Georgia walks me through a specific scenario when my six-year-old son got extremely angry. I think it will be helpful for you to hear me coached on how I can coach him. I have applied these steps in the year since this interview was originally recorded, and it has honestly changed my relationship with my son. Please listen!
Georgia has recently announced “Know How Coach,” an online course focused on creating more joy and connection in your parenting journey. It’s a combination of recorded workshop sessions and live online group facilitation. (So you can be individually coached by her, like I was in this interview!) Visit her website for more information or to register.
Both myself and my assistant, Molly, have personally attended her classes and can attest to the powerful tools, storytelling, wisdom, and direction Georgia has to offer.
Georgia’s website: knowhowmom.com
Georgia’s Instagram: @knowhowmomtips
Parenting is not all Georgia is passionate about– check out her upcoming “Us Elevated” Workshop on May 3-4 in SLC, Utah to strengthen your marriage through this Gottman 7 Principles workshop.
Book Recommendation: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman
How far into your motherhood journey were you before you realized that you can’t control your children?
The hilarious, wise Marilyn Faulkner is back on the podcast today to teach us how to move from “control-parenting” to “influence-parenting.” She is a fan-favorite on the show–and for good reason. You’re not going to want to miss her gems of wisdom (and hysterical comments) in this episode!
Marilyn’s first episode, “How to Raise Confident Children”: https://3in30podcast.com/confidence/
The Soul of Discipline by Kim John Payne: https://amzn.to/2B2AOop
Marilyn’s website: www.
- The User-Friendly Book of Mormon: https://amzn.to/2B951Ck
- The User Friendly Old Testament: https://amzn.to/2KOpEDf
- Alison Faulkner of The Alison Show: http://thealisonshow.com/?cn-reloaded=1
- Andrea Faulkner Williams of Tubby Todd Bath Co: https://tubbytodd.com/
He’s baaccck! Our favorite male guest is back on the podcast today teaching us how to talk to our children in a way that fosters trust and communication–so they know they can talk to us into their teenage years and beyond.
Tony Overbay is a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist and a father of four young adults, so he has professional and personal experience with this topic. Whether you are currently parenting teenagers, or you will be parenting teenagers in a few years, there is something for you in this episode!
Listen in to learn how to truly…
1) Invite open and honest communication, no matter what
2) Listen with empathy and recognize emotional bids (EFT)
3) Follow up to let your children know that their thoughts matter to you
-Tony’s first episode on 3 in 30, “How to Praise Your Child, Even When It Feels Like There is Nothing to Praise”: https://3in30podcast.com/praise/
-Tony’s website: tonyoverbay.com
-Tony’s podcast, The Virtual Couch: http://www.tonyoverbay.com/category/podcast/
–Tony’s top parenting book recommendation: Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach, https://amzn.to/2ucXf3C
-Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Sue Johnson: http://drsuejohnson.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-2/what-is-eft/
If you feel like you face battle after battle with your child, this episode is for you! Lisa Andersen, a mother of four who is passionate about helping moms thrive, teaches us 3 power struggles we can opt out of.
I’m not going to tell you ahead of time what the three battles are…so you’ll have to listen! 😉
Chime in and tell us your opinions and ideas in the comments on this post or on my Instagram account, @ https://www.instagram.com/3in30podcast/
-Lisa Andersen’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thrivingmotherhood/
-Thriving Motherhood Conference: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/thriving-mothers-conference-express-session-tickets-44616612489
-Ep. 017 with Jody Moore: https://3in30podcast.com/ep-017-3-keys-happier-marriage-jody-moore-bold-new-mom/
-Ep. 004 with Ralphie Jacobs: https://3in30podcast.com/yelling/
-Ellen Satyr, Expert on Positive and Joyful Eating and Feeding: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/
-Division of Responsibility with Eating: https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
-Amy McCready, Positive Parenting Solutions (When-Then tactic): https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/