They say love is patient; love is kind. But the truth is, sometimes it’s not EASY for love to be either of those things, especially when you are facing a devastating betrayal.
“Betrayal” can be discovering a spouse’s affair or addiction, learning that he/she has not been honest in their business dealings and has put the family’s well-being in jeopardy, and many other situations. You are faced with shattering grief, and often don’t know where to turn for support because the trial is so personal and involves someone else. It can feel so isolating.
Mika Perry—a mother, blogger, and professional organizer—has been there. In 2012 she discovered that her husband, Russ, was having an affair. Over the years since, she and Russ have worked toward healing and now openly share their story to help those suffering in silence.
Today on the show, Mika shares her experience of what life after betrayal looked like for her and how it ultimately led to a life of truth, abundance, faith, and purpose.
This is an incredibly personal and tender topic, and whether or not you choose to stay married after a betrayal, this episode will bring you hope. Please pass the episode along to someone who might need to know they are not alone.
Mika’s Instagram: @mikaperry
Mika’s website: mikaperry.com
-The blog post where Mika first opened up about the affair:
Mika and Russ’ podcast “Good to be Home.” Episode 2 is where Mika and Russ share their story
Russ Perry’s book, The Sober Entrepreneur: starts with affair and goes through the process of getting sober and building a business.
If you are struggling with betrayal trauma, here are some resources:
Caitlin Olson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializes in addiction recovery and betrayal trauma. You can find her on Instagram: @caitlinolsenmft
Sariah Hoffman, certified yoga therapist, of @backpocketyoga on Instagram
Ashlynn and Coby on Instagram: @ashlynnandcoby and their podcast “The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert” features 3 different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, recovery, betrayal and addiction.
Rachel and Jenae specialize in betrayal trauma (BT)- find them on Instagram: @couchtalktime
Center for Hope and Healing in Lehi, UT
Betrayal Trauma Recovery btr.org
What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Ann Croshaw
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Kevin Skinner
Do you and your spouse speak the same love languages? My husband, Ryan, and I do *not.*
I am a words girl. I love them, I need them. My husband is a man of few words. He craves quality time.
There have been times in my marriage when I have resented that he doesn’t show me love in the “right” way, but in the past few years, I’ve found contentment and respect for how he shows love.
Listen to today’s episode for three strategies to love your spouse (and feel loved by your spouse), just as they are.
“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
Online quiz to discover your love language: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
“What Happened to my Sex Drive, and How Do I Get It Back?” with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
Are you a podcaster (or an aspiring podcaster?) Sign up to get a weekly podcasting tip from me! 3in30podcast.com/tips
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationship and sexuality counseling. On today’s podcast, she discusses three common ways that women’s mindsets around sex can decrease our desire.
You’re going to want a pen and paper as you listen to this one. This woman is a genius, and she dives DEEP into our psyches! Get ready to take notes.
If you are interested in more of Dr. Finalyson-Fife’s work, go to http://www.finlayson-fife.com/ and check out her courses, which are 20% off through Christmas. I highly recommend!
Art of Desire Course: http://www.finlayson-fife.com/art-post-lms/
“How to Embrace Your Inner Hotness” by Leta Greene: https://www.amazon.com/How-Embrace-Your-Inner-Hotness-ebook/dp/B00N7VTACS
“I got this crazy idea in my head 3.5 years ago to start a marriage blog, but I had so many doubts, like ‘Why would I do that? I’m not that great of a wife…’ But the idea just coming back and back… And eventually I kind of thought, ‘I can just try things and tell people how it went. I can experiment. I can conduct marriage experiments.”
This is the premise behind “Marriage Laboratory,” a marriage blog run by Celeste Davis and her husband Rich (who happens to be a real-life scientist studying immunology). This past year, she conducted experiments on the five love languages by simply focusing on one per month.
Today on the podcast, Celeste will share some of her experiments and outcomes in the following areas:
1) Words of Affirmation: Send your husband a loving note, text, or email every day for a month
2) Quality Time: Dedicate ten minutes every single night to just sitting and talking with your spouse, with no phones anywhere in sight!
3) Physical Touch: Have sex every other day for a month (don’t worry–she doesn’t get too steamy on this one, but her story is pretty fascinating)
Don’t miss this conversation with a wife and mother who is dedicating her life to loving her family better, in simple but profound ways.
-Celeste’s marriage blog, Marriage Laboratory: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/
1) Words of Affirmation
-“42 Love Letter Prompts”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/42-love-letter-prompts/
-“40 Loving Texts to Send RIGHT NOW to Make Your Partner’s Day”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/40-loving-texts/
2) Quality Time
-“10-Minute Daily Connect Challenge”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/10-minute-daily-connect-busy-couples/
-“The Ultimate Guide to Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/quality-time-love-language-guide/
-Article Rachel read about “bids for attention”: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
3) Physical Touch
-“6 Resources for Spicing Up Your Marriage in the Bedroom”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/spice-up-your-marriage/
-“What Would Happen If You Had Sex Every Other Day for a Month?”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/sex-every-other-day/
-“46 Just Because Gift Ideas to Make Your Spouse’s Day”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/just-because-gift-ideas/
-“DIY Anniversary Gifts (that we’ve actually made)”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/diy-anniversary-gifts/
5) Acts of Service
-“The Best Way to Get Your Marriage Out of a Rut”: http://www.marriagelaboratory.com/blog/marriage-out-of-a-rut/
“Love is always going to serve you best. You are your best, most creative, most confident, most genius self when you’re operating in love.”
Jody Moore is a life coach and podcaster whose business has exploded in the past couple of years due to the wise principles that she teaches about how we can adjust our own thoughts in order to achieve more happiness in our relationships with others.
Jody teaches that happiness is a skill—something that we need to learn how to do and then work on it and practice over and over. On today’s podcast, she talks about three of her hallmark principles:
1) Your relationship is the story you tell yourself. Make it a good one.
2) You are 100% responsible for your own emotions–and no one else’s.
3) Every person on earth is worthy of love, just as they are.
Please listen in as we discuss these principles in the context of marriage, and don’t forget to claim your free printable of Jody’s “Three Keys to a Happier Marriage” by visiting 3in30podcast.com. (Thanks to Natalie Hansen from the podcast Babes Unpaused for designing it!)
Link to the PDF Version (for download and printing or saving): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mJnv9KsKx32KV8xpGNBlAztSm2PjgeWz/view?usp=sharing
-Rachel’s “3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms” Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/3in30podcast/
-Jody Moore’s Website: boldnewmom.com
-“Ask Jody Anything” Free Coaching Call: https://boldnewmom.lpages.co/public-call-invite/
-Instagrammer I follow who sees motherhood through a beautiful lens: https://www.instagram.com/kellyejensen/
-Natalie Hansen’s Podcast: Babes Unpaused: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/babes-unpaused-podcast/id1334298125?mt=2