There’s no question that parenting has been difficult for every generation– but has it always been this difficult? I’ll admit, my dreams of parenthood were idealized in many ways, but I often wonder if the day will ever come that my children actually stay in their seats at dinner long enough for good conversation and connection. I wonder if their big emotions and high energy will continue to affect our everyday lives, or if we will be able to have memorable outings that don’t require quite so much emotional energy with managing expectations and refereeing.
Katherine Reynolds Lewis, an award-winning journalist and certified parent educator, had the same questions as she raised her own strong-willed children. The more she looked around at other parents and children, the more she realized that she wasn’t alone–kids today just seemed to be harder, even though parents devote more time and energy to their children than in any other generation.
This seeming epidemic of strong-willed kids with difficult behavior is the reason that she embarked on writing her book, The Good News About Bad Behavior– Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever and What to Do About It.
After years of incredibly detailed research, Katherine found there are three overarching reasons why kids today have less ability to regulate their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors:
- The decline in unstructured play and outdoor time.
- The growth of media and technology .
- The increased focus on achievement and performance, instead of character and contribution.
In this episode, Katherine unpacks each of these areas and gives suggestions for what we as modern parents can do about it.
And don’t forget to come back next week for part two of this super interesting discussion!
Katherine’s website: katherinerlewis.com
Katherine’s Instagram: @katherinereynoldslewis
Katherine’s book: The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– and What To Do About It
We are so grateful for our 3 in 30 Sponsors! Thanks to Jill from j-coterie.com, our fifth and final sponsor from my Declutter Your Motherhood Workshop in Utah.
Get 20% off your order through 6/30 with the code 3in30!
We’ve all heard the old saying, “Moms shouldn’t be allowed to get sick!” And it’s true–we shouldn’t! We need to take care of our families, and family life doesn’t just pause when Mom isn’t feeling well. It’s hard enough for the household to continue functioning for a week when Mom gets a bad cold or the flu, but when a mother faces chronic illness or pain, that can be a truly devastating trial.
I’ve personally had a taste of this because I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition several years ago, and the medication I take for it causes kidney stones. For me, the most difficult part is how discouraged I sometimes feel when I can’t care for my family in the way that I would like to.
Several months ago, in the midst of kidney stone pain, I reached out to Becky Farley and Candace Little, the founders of Mindful Art Company, and asked for their best tips on using mindfulness to cope with illness. They sent back the three takeaways that are the basis of our conversation today:
- Separate your pain from your suffering. Pain x Resistance = Suffering
- Allow pain to fix you. What is the pain telling you about what you or your body needs? Listen!
- Meditate. Tuning into your body instead of resisting it doesn’t necessarily take away the pain, but it makes it easier to deal with.
These three strategies have been so helpful to me as I’ve battled my own health problems the past year, and I hope they will help many mothers who are listening, as well.
–Meditation Art Kit or MAK Pack: 4 lessons, and with each lesson you get a meditation, a story, and an art project to create common emotional language with your kids. (And they are also super fun!) Use the code HALFOFF for 50% off any of their downloadable products this month!
–Self-Compassionate & Art Workshop in Salt Lake City on Saturday, June 15th. Use the code 3IN30 for $30 off.
Codes expire 5/31/19~
We are so grateful to Mindful Art Company for being a sponsor of the Declutter Your Motherhood Workshop in Utah!
The more I share my heart on this podcast, the more often people reach out to me and share their hearts and stories. And over the past year, many listeners have told me about their heartache over *not* being raised by a loving mother.
I’ve had listeners relay stories to me about mothers who were emotionally absent or even emotionally or physically abusive. These listeners confide in me what a sometimes overwhelming task it is to be a loving mother when you never really saw that modeled.
But these warrior mothers are doing all that they can to change the trajectory of that family pattern of parenting. To raise their own children with the love that they themselves were not given.
Today on the podcast, I have one of those warrior moms who’s going to share her insights on how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one. Sarah Badat-Richardson was born and raised in Reunion Island off the coast of South Africa, and she now lives in Hawaii. She’s a blogger and has also published articles on the website Power of Moms. She runs an international self-defense school with her husband, and she is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. One of her greatest accomplishments is that she is the mother to a beautiful 9-year-old girl, and she works every day to overcome the difficult relationship she had with her own mother so she can become the mother she wants to be for her daughter.
Sarah shares some of her journey with us today, and her three insightful takeaways are:
- Accept your plight. Accept who your mother was or is, and accept that the way you were brought up is not your fault.
- Bring your healthiest self. Take care of your body through food, sleep, and nutrition, and take care of your soul by paying attention to your thoughts and words.
- Embrace who you are. Share your talents and passions with your children, and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you do.
Sarah’s blog: sarahbadatrichardson.com
Sarah’s essay she wrote in preparation for our interview: sarahbadatrichardson.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-even-if-you-didnt-have-one
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karl McBride
Jody Moore’s podcast Better Than Happy
Sarah’s three favorite mothers in literature: 1. Ma from Little House on the Prarie, 2. Marmie from Little Women, 3. Jo from Little Men
Dr. Laura quote:
“You have two chances at a healthy parent-child relationship. The first time, you’re a child and you have no power. The second time, you’re the parent and you have all the power.”
Many thanks to our Declutter our Motherhood Workshop Sponsors!!
- Honey Coast Home–The first ten orders to use the code 3in30 get a free Lemon-Aid candle!
- Missy VanWagoner–20% off this week only if you email or DM Missy directly and tell her you heard about her on the 3in30! firstname.lastname@example.org, @missyvanwagoner on Instagram
- Simple and Blush Headscarves–20% off with the code 3in30
A month or so ago, I woke up early, before the rest of the house, and lay in the darkness with my heart pounding uncomfortably. It was a physical reminder of something that I don’t like to think about very often: I have chronic health problems that aren’t just magically going to disappear if I ignore them. It is up to ME to change my life and my habits to regain my health. No one else is going to do that for me.
In this episode, I share a bit more of my story, as well as the three steps I am taking in order to give myself a month-long pause:
1) Choose a finite length of time for your break.
2) Look at your calendar and ruthlessly eliminate or postpone any stressful commitments during that time. Don’t be afraid to tell the people in your life WHY you need a break and how they can support you.
3) Decide how you will use your time off to “get ahead” of your life and make changes that will help you reenter your life in a much better place.
Please follow along with Rachel’s journey these next four weeks by subscribing to her weekly emails here: 3in30podcast.com/takeaways.
Also, please don’t forget to write a Review for the podcast if you haven’t already! Thank you so much for your support!
“Fill your life with things that make you feel whole, instead of holey.”
In this week’s episode, Julie Bastedo (who has taught high school English for 18 years and has two children of her own) walks mothers through some strategies to help us embrace who we truly are, instead of always pining after whom we think we “should” be.
With humor and wisdom (and while quoting classic literature and poetry, of course), Julie dives into each of the following takeaways:
1) Sit down and make a list of the unique gifts that YOU bring to your children.
2) Only follow social media accounts that enhance what you are already good at. (Julie calls this “ancillary material.” And don’t worry, she defines that.)
3) Recognize that you will be a source of joy and a source of disappointment for others throughout your life…and that’s okay.
Don’t miss this lively and uplifting discussion between two old friends who want to empower and encourage each other–and all the women who are listening.
Rachel’s podcast with Power of Moms about her trip to South Africa: “How Ordinary Moms Can Make an Extraordinary Difference.”
“When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” by Walt Whitman
“One’s-Self I Sing by Walt Whitman: “Of Life immense in passion, pulse, and power/ Cheerful, for freest action form’d under the laws divine…”
The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it’s between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.”
Jody Moore, Better Than Happy: “Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.”