“Fill your life with things that make you feel whole, instead of holey.”
In this week’s episode, Julie Bastedo (who has taught high school English for 18 years and has two children of her own) walks mothers through some strategies to help us embrace who we truly are, instead of always pining after whom we think we “should” be.
With humor and wisdom (and while quoting classic literature and poetry, of course), Julie dives into each of the following takeaways:
1) Sit down and make a list of the unique gifts that YOU bring to your children.
2) Only follow social media accounts that enhance what you are already good at. (Julie calls this “ancillary material.” And don’t worry, she defines that.)
3) Recognize that you will be a source of joy and a source of disappointment for others throughout your life…and that’s okay.
Don’t miss this lively and uplifting discussion between two old friends who want to empower and encourage each other–and all the women who are listening.
Rachel’s podcast with Power of Moms about her trip to South Africa: “How Ordinary Moms Can Make an Extraordinary Difference.”
“When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer” by Walt Whitman
“One’s-Self I Sing by Walt Whitman: “Of Life immense in passion, pulse, and power/ Cheerful, for freest action form’d under the laws divine…”
The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it’s between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.”
Jody Moore, Better Than Happy: “Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.”
In this stage of my life, I start most days to the sound of my children calling for me or running into my room. Before that, I started the day with the sound of my alarm clock signaling I needed to hurry as fast as I possibly could to get ready for work. This often sets the pace to go from one thing to the next in a frazzled state when I am constantly craving slow.
Crystal Paine, entrepreneur, mom, and founder of Money Saving Mom, is often asked how she does what she does, and it all comes down to starting her day with intention.
Crystal has years of experience encouraging women to be intentional when it comes to finance, family, and business. In this episode, she encourages us to develop the habit of serving our tomorrow self by first asking the question: What can you do the night before to set yourself up for success the next day?
Whether you have an intentional morning routine or hopes for developing one, we can’t wait to hear how you like this episode.
Make Over Your Mornings: 14-day online course to help you start your day with success: https://gr161.isrefer.com/go/MYM/rachelnielson/
Crystal’s website: https://moneysavingmom.com/
Crystal’s Instagram: @themoneysavingmom
Crystal and Rachel’s Power of Moms’ podcast: https://powerofmoms.com/ordinary-moms-can-make-extraordinary-difference-crystal-paine-rachel-nielson-episode-186/
Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Four Tendencies: https://amzn.to/2FUF8XD
Laura Vanderkamp’s book, What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast: https://amzn.to/2TbQc6x
*We are so thrilled to have Chatbooks as a sponsor this month for
3 in 30!*
Download the app or visit chatbooks.com to claim your FREE book (up to $10 in value) by using code “3in30” at checkout!
I want to meet you in Twin Falls! I’m teaching “Declutter Your Motherhood,” a 5-hour workshop on Saturday, February 9th. You can find more details here: 3in30podcast.com/workshops
A few years ago, I had a phone conversation with a friend that changed my perspective forever. She told me why she never feels mom-guilt. And I loved her wisdom and think of it often.
Listen to this week’s episode to hear her advice, as well as three strategies that I use frequently when I feel the mom-guilt sneaking in:
1) List all of the blessings that your kids have in their lives, from you and others.
2) Reject “filtered-thinking.” Zoom out so you can see the big-picture of yourself and your kids’ lives.
3) Examine whether your guilt is beckoning you higher, or dragging you down lower.
I love to hear from you! Let me know what resonated from this episode or others at @3in30podcast on Instagram or email@example.com.
-Organization I worked with in South Africa: https://helponenow.org/south-africa/
-More about the people I worked with in South Africa: http://fyionrachandry.blogspot.com/2016/11/i-want-to-introduce-you-to-people-who.html
-Episode about the three best tools I learned in counseling, including how to recognize and combat “filtered-thinking”: https://3in30podcast.com/ep-012-stop-mehan-3-best-tools-learned-counseling/
-Another great episode to help combat mom-guilt, “How to Be the Mom You Are, Instead of the Mom You Think You Should Be”: https://3in30podcast.com/ep-016-how-to-be-the-mom-you-are-instead-of-the-mom-you-think-you-should-be-julie-bastedo/
-Last week’s episode “How to Stop Looking at Your Phone So Much–And Why It Matters”: https://3in30podcast.com/lookup/
Five years ago, I realized that I needed to go to counseling. I had been coping with stress and heartache through both undereating and overeating for almost ten years, and my negative thoughts about myself had become debilitating and all-consuming.
I sought treatment from an outpatient eating disorder clinic, and I fully expected my counselor to teach me how to control my eating; instead, my counselor went to the root of the problem and taught me how to control my thinking.
I learned that destructive behaviors (such as eating disorders) are part of a three-part cycle: we have a negative thought about ourselves, we then feel a negative emotion about ourselves, and we then cope with that feeling through a destructive behavior. In order to stop this cycle, we must have strategies to stop the negative self-talk that starts it all in the first place!
Whether or not you’ve ever struggled with an eating disorder, I think this episode will benefit you. I share three of the best tools that I learned in counseling:
1) Reject “filtered thinking” and embrace “big-picture thinking.”
2) Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend, sister, or daughter.
3) Use “coping statements” to help you re-center and stay calm in moments when you might spiral into despair.
I truly believe that almost no topic is more important for women and mothers–so I hope you will listen, and let me know what you think in the comments.
Listening to and Loving your Body through Intuitive Eating (podcast with Power of Moms): https://powerofmoms.com/intuitive-eating/
“The Surprising Way I Confronted my Eating Disorder” (full narrative therapy): https://powerofmoms.com/eating-disorder/
“Perfectionism, we wrongly assign only to overachievers. I think most perfectionists are actually underachievers.”
When I first heard Monica Packer of the podcast About Progress explain this phenomenon–that a perfectionist can actually become an underachiever–I was stunned. I recognized that she was describing me. I had gone from a hardcore overachiever (who had developed eating disorders as a result) to an apathetic underachiever who avoided making any sort of goals in my life.
In this week’s episode, Monica describes her own similar journey and how she has now found a middle ground: striving for “progress, not perfection.” She gives us three takeaways to consider as we head into the New Year about how to set goals that will push us to improve while also helping us maintain our mental health.
1) Don’t think too much.
2) Make room for failure.
3) Make your goals visible.
Listen in as she and I dive into these principles and offer specific examples from our own lives as “recovering perfectionists.”
Monica’s website and podcast: About Progress.com
Her Intro episode that resonated so deeply with me: http://www.aboutprogress.com/2016/11/most-likely-to-be-talk-show-host.html
To get the PDF printable of each month’s take-aways, visit my website and sign up: 3in30podcast.com.