As a teen, did you ever find yourself giving up parts of who you were in order to fit in and feel accepted? Would you be able to admit, or even recognize, if you were still doing that as a mom? In this phase of our lives, we aren’t always put in peer pressure situations where our values are directly questioned by others, but managing our own expectations of who we think we “should” be and comparing our family to other families creates walls that limit us.
Tawni Beardall and Erica Peterson are the co-hosts of a podcast for teens called Becoming. Tawni and Erica have become my real-life friends, and they hosted my first-ever Declutter Your Motherhood workshop. I absolutely love these ladies, and am so grateful for the work they are doing. In this episode, they point out three ways that we are a lot like the teenagers in our lives and give suggestions for how we can “overcome our inner teen”:
- Have a threshold of zero. Do what is right (and right for you) no matter how many people are doing something different.
- Do work. We resist hard work for ourselves AND for our kids. And as human beings, we truly need the blessings of work.
- Make and keep friends. Our need for close friendships does not end after high school! Prioritize it, put yourself out there, and use people’s names.
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
-ARIZONA, I’m coming your way! I’m teaching a Declutter Your Motherhood workshop on Saturday, September 21 with the amazing Mika Perry. Get your tickets now! All the details here: 3in30podcast.com/arizona
The more I share my heart on this podcast, the more often people reach out to me and share their hearts and stories. And over the past year, many listeners have told me about their heartache over *not* being raised by a loving mother.
I’ve had listeners relay stories to me about mothers who were emotionally absent or even emotionally or physically abusive. These listeners confide in me what a sometimes overwhelming task it is to be a loving mother when you never really saw that modeled.
But these warrior mothers are doing all that they can to change the trajectory of that family pattern of parenting. To raise their own children with the love that they themselves were not given.
Today on the podcast, I have one of those warrior moms who’s going to share her insights on how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one. Sarah Badat-Richardson was born and raised in Reunion Island off the coast of South Africa, and she now lives in Hawaii. She’s a blogger and has also published articles on the website Power of Moms. She runs an international self-defense school with her husband, and she is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. One of her greatest accomplishments is that she is the mother to a beautiful 9-year-old girl, and she works every day to overcome the difficult relationship she had with her own mother so she can become the mother she wants to be for her daughter.
Sarah shares some of her journey with us today, and her three insightful takeaways are:
- Accept your plight. Accept who your mother was or is, and accept that the way you were brought up is not your fault.
- Bring your healthiest self. Take care of your body through food, sleep, and nutrition, and take care of your soul by paying attention to your thoughts and words.
- Embrace who you are. Share your talents and passions with your children, and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you do.
Sarah’s blog: sarahbadatrichardson.com
Sarah’s essay she wrote in preparation for our interview: sarahbadatrichardson.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-even-if-you-didnt-have-one
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karl McBride
Jody Moore’s podcast Better Than Happy
Sarah’s three favorite mothers in literature: 1. Ma from Little House on the Prarie, 2. Marmie from Little Women, 3. Jo from Little Men
Dr. Laura quote:
“You have two chances at a healthy parent-child relationship. The first time, you’re a child and you have no power. The second time, you’re the parent and you have all the power.”
Many thanks to our Declutter our Motherhood Workshop Sponsors!!
- Honey Coast Home–The first ten orders to use the code 3in30 get a free Lemon-Aid candle!
- Missy VanWagoner–20% off this week only if you email or DM Missy directly and tell her you heard about her on the 3in30! firstname.lastname@example.org, @missyvanwagoner on Instagram
- Simple and Blush Headscarves–20% off with the code 3in30
It’s the week before Mother’s Day, so it only seemed appropriate that I air an encore episode about the woman who has impacted me the most: my own amazing mother. I originally aired this episode last July to honor my mom on the 15th anniversary of her passing away from breast cancer.
I do want to acknowledge before this episode starts that I know Mother’s Day can be a complicated holiday for many women. Some of us love the opportunity to have a little bit of extra pampering and spoiling; but for others, Mother’s Day brings feelings of guilt about the ways we feel like we’re falling short as mothers—or it brings feelings of sadness or even anger if our relationship with our own mothers is different than what we would like. Maybe we weren’t raised in loving homes, and the sting can be felt even more deeply on Mother’s Day.
I know that not every woman listening was lucky enough to be raised by a mother like mine. And next week on the show— my first week back from my “pause”— I’m interviewing an incredible woman about how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one.
I hope that you’ll come back next week to hear that inspiring episode, and that hearing about my mother today can encourage you and give you some ideas of small and simple ways that you can make a profound difference to your children—not by being a perfect mother, but just by being a mother who celebrates your children’s gifts and loves them without conditions. That’s who my mother was, and I’m so honored to share her with you today.
As mothers, this can be a hard stage of life to find and maintain meaningful friendships.
Many of us feel busy and overwhelmed–barely managing the needs of our own families.
Opportunities to connect with other women might feel scarce, depending on the ages and needs of our children.
Sometimes it’s just easier to give a friendly wave or a quick hello in the hallway at church than to invest in a real friendship with someone.
In this week’s episode, Brooke Romney, a mother of four and a professional writer, shares totally doable ways that we can be good friends to other women, even if we are busy, shy, or maxed out on life.
Brooke discusses each of the following takeaways, offering concrete ideas within each:
1) Take advantage of small opportunities to build connection by simply being present wherever we are.
2) Follow the advice that we give our children about being a good friend.
3) Don’t wait for life conditions to be perfect before extending friendship to others.
Don’t miss this conversation where we learn how to go beyond just being friendly, to start being real friends.
-Brooke’s website: brookeromney.com/
-Brooke’s article in the Deseret News: “It’s Time to Stop Being Friendly and Start Being a Friend”
-Rachel’s Instagram: @3in30podcast
-Brooke’s Instagram: @brookeromneywrites
Our little kids come with big emotions—too big, it sometimes seems, for their little bodies. And sometimes (often?) those feelings just come bursting out in bizarre and irrational behaviors.
As parents, this can bring out the bizarre and irrational in us as well, despite our best intentions to stay calm and level-headed.
Georgia Anderson of knowhowmom.com is a wife, mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, and grandmother. She has taught parenting classes for three decades and is a Certified Active Parenting Instructor and a Gottman Trained Educator.
Georgia has become my dear friend and mentor, and I’m so happy to be re-airing our interview today. As part of my break this month (or my “pause”–see last week’s episode), I want to recommit to staying calm and coaching my two amazing kids through their big emotions. This is the type of parent that I truly want to be!
In this episode, Georigia walks us through three of the steps to “emotion coach” our children through their big emotions:
1) Notice and validate emotions when they are small.
2) Put words to emotions–phrased tentatively, so a child can feel ownership to correct you. Ex: “It seems like you are frustrated that your sister isn’t sharing with you. Is that right?”
3) Set limits and problem solve. (All feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are acceptable.)
There are so many gems and insights in this episode, as Georgia walks me through a specific scenario when my six-year-old son got extremely angry. I think it will be helpful for you to hear me coached on how I can coach him. I have applied these steps in the year since this interview was originally recorded, and it has honestly changed my relationship with my son. Please listen!
Georgia has recently announced “Know How Coach,” an online course focused on creating more joy and connection in your parenting journey. It’s a combination of recorded workshop sessions and live online group facilitation. (So you can be individually coached by her, like I was in this interview!) Visit her website for more information or to register.
Both myself and my assistant, Molly, have personally attended her classes and can attest to the powerful tools, storytelling, wisdom, and direction Georgia has to offer.
Georgia’s website: knowhowmom.com
Georgia’s Instagram: @knowhowmomtips
Parenting is not all Georgia is passionate about– check out her upcoming “Us Elevated” Workshop on May 3-4 in SLC, Utah to strengthen your marriage through this Gottman 7 Principles workshop.
Book Recommendation: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman