There’s no question that parenting has been difficult for every generation– but has it always been this difficult? I’ll admit, my dreams of parenthood were idealized in many ways, but I often wonder if the day will ever come that my children actually stay in their seats at dinner long enough for good conversation and connection. I wonder if their big emotions and high energy will continue to affect our everyday lives, or if we will be able to have memorable outings that don’t require quite so much emotional energy with managing expectations and refereeing.
Katherine Reynolds Lewis, an award-winning journalist and certified parent educator, had the same questions as she raised her own strong-willed children. The more she looked around at other parents and children, the more she realized that she wasn’t alone–kids today just seemed to be harder, even though parents devote more time and energy to their children than in any other generation.
This seeming epidemic of strong-willed kids with difficult behavior is the reason that she embarked on writing her book, The Good News About Bad Behavior– Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever and What to Do About It.
After years of incredibly detailed research, Katherine found there are three overarching reasons why kids today have less ability to regulate their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors:
- The decline in unstructured play and outdoor time.
- The growth of media and technology .
- The increased focus on achievement and performance, instead of character and contribution.
In this episode, Katherine unpacks each of these areas and gives suggestions for what we as modern parents can do about it.
And don’t forget to come back next week for part two of this super interesting discussion!
Katherine’s website: katherinerlewis.com
Katherine’s Instagram: @katherinereynoldslewis
Katherine’s book: The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– and What To Do About It
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There are so many things to consider when it comes to anticipating raising a child: will I ever sleep again? Will they be a picky eater? Will they be well behaved? Those are a few of the questions that went through my mind when I became a new mom. But when it comes to taking kids to the doctor, I didn’t think there was much to it. I thought it was something parents just did. I didn’t know my eyes would well with tears right alongside my toddler when the nurse administered him a shot, or what to say the next time when he asks if he has to get a shot again or even when he gets anxious just walking into the doctor’s office remembering his experience from last time.
Today’s guest, Shannon Tripp, is a mother of four and passionate about educating parents in all things first aid and safety for children. Shannon has been a pediatric nurse for more than 10 years, and today she shares a few simple tips to set our children up for success to have a positive experience at the doctor’s office. She urges parents to:
-pay attention to our own feelings and the words we use describing the doctor
-validate our kids’ feelings when they are scared
-and tell them what to expect at a doctor’s visit and what they have to look forward to after
I love how Shannon says that she sees the doctor’s office as “a place that gives parents opportunities to teach their children skills.” I know this episode will help both you and your children be more at ease when anticipating a visit to the doctor.
Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
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Let’s play two truths and a lie about this week’s podcast guests:
- They are twin sisters.
- One of them worked on Capitol Hill as the press secretary for two US Senators.
- One of them worked in the White House in the office of presidential speech writing.
You guessed it…there’s no lie. All three of those impressive facts are TRUTH. The moms on today’s episode have very unique life experiences, and they share their knowledge about politics, government, and American history with other moms through their website TheAmericanMoms.com.
On today’s episode, they teach us how to make the upcoming patriotic holidays, particularly Memorial Day and the 4th of July, more meaningful than just a neighborhood pool party.
Don’t miss hearing their insights about making patriotism part of your family culture, and all of their specific ideas and links are below!
The American Moms Website: theamericanmoms.com
The American Moms Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theamericanmoms/
App to find historical sites near you, “History Here”: https://www.history.com/history-here
Favorite book series to teach children about historical people: Ordinary People Change the World
A Dozen Books to Get Your Kids Excited about America: http://theamericanmoms.com/12-of-the-best-books-to-teach-patriotism-to-your-children/
Patriotic resource list from the website “Raise the Good:” http://www.raisethegood.com/blog/10-patriotic-movies-for-families
The books I purchased to teach my kids about patriotic holidays:
- The Poppy Lady by Barbara Walsh: https://amzn.to/2GBeorS
- America’s White Table by Margot Theis Raven: https://amzn.to/2KEAETW
- The Wall by Eve Bunting: https://amzn.to/2Lm7rhI
- Don’t Forget, God Bless Our Troops by Jill Biden: https://amzn.to/2LlDIFN
- Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut: https://amzn.to/2GBgvvO
- Memorial Day (Rookie Read-About Holidays) by
- I Am George Washington (Ordinary People Change the World) by Brad Meltzer: https://amzn.to/2s2FWkz
(These are affiliate links, so if you purchase one of these books, it supports the podcast. Thank you!)
Other Resources from “The American Moms”:
10 Meaningful Ways to Celebrate Memorial Day: http://theamericanmoms.com/meaningful-ways-celebrate-memorial-day-kids/
Teaching My Children What the American Flag Means to Me: http://theamericanmoms.com/lessons-i-hope-my-children-remember-when-they-see-the-american-flag/
12 Meaningful Ways to Celebrate Independence Day: http://theamericanmoms.com/meaningful-ways-to-celebrate-independence-day-with-your-kids/
Quote from the Episode:
“One might also say that history is not about the past. If you think about it, no one ever lived in the past. Washington, Jefferson, John Adams and their contemporaries, didn’t walk around saying ‘Isn’t this fascinating living in the past? Aren’t we wearing our funny clothes?’ They lived in the present. The difference is, it was their present, not ours. They were caught up living in the moment exactly as we are, and with no more certainty of how things would turn out than we have.”
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel truly stuck in a rut of nagging, bossing, and criticizing my children. This is not who I want to be–but when I can’t get my children to listen to me or to behave, what other option do I have??
Gratefully, Tony Overbay, a professional counselor and father of four, is on the podcast today to teach us a better way.
Using the principles of a powerful parenting and child development model called The Nurtured-Heart Approach, Tony shares four ways that we can effectively praise our children in order to energize the positive in them and in our homes:
Listen in as Tony teaches us how to acknowledge and praise…
1) What we see our children doing (active recognition)
2) What we see our children doing, plus what that shows about their greatness (experiential recognition)
3) What we don’t see our children doing (proactive recognition)
4) What we want to see our children doing (creative recognition)
This episode has the potential to change your parenting and the environment in your home forever. Don’t miss it!
Tony’s website: TonyOverbay.com
Tony’s podcast, The Virtual Couch: http://www.tonyoverbay.com/category/podcast/
Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach by Howard Glasser
PDF of the 4 Recognition Types: http://www.naswwv.org/index.php/documents/177-c1-wendy-baracka-transforming-the-difficult-child-nha-recognition-techniques/file
All of our kids get stuck in behaviors that are difficult for us and others to deal with–perhaps it’s whining, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or defiance.
According to Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 17 years of experience teaching children social skills and communication, these neurological “loops” can be rewired. She does it every day in her private practice, and, in this week’s episode, she teaches us how to do it! We can follow this simple three-step process with our kids, in our homes:
1) Identify the specific troublesome behavior, and then ask yourself, “What SKILL does my child need to learn in order to change this behavior?”
2) Sit down with the child and make a GOAL to learn the new skill. Have him or her make it visual by writing it down and/or drawing a picture. Consider adding a hand cue.
3) Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise whenever the child is working on their goal, and consider adding additional reinforcement through earning privileges, if needed.
Chrissy offers so many fantastic tips and interesting bits of research throughout the interview. You won’t want to miss it, especially if you sometimes struggle with knowing how to help your children change.
-Michelle Garcia Winter: https://www.socialthinking.com/
-“Kids Beyond Limits” by Anat Baniel
-“Finally Focused” by James Greenblatt