I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel truly stuck in a rut of nagging, bossing, and criticizing my children. This is not who I want to be–but when I can’t get my children to listen to me or to behave, what other option do I have??
Gratefully, Tony Overbay, a professional counselor and father of four, is on the podcast today to teach us a better way.
Using the principles of a powerful parenting and child development model called The Nurtured-Heart Approach, Tony shares four ways that we can effectively praise our children in order to energize the positive in them and in our homes:
Listen in as Tony teaches us how to acknowledge and praise…
1) What we see our children doing (active recognition)
2) What we see our children doing, plus what that shows about their greatness (experiential recognition)
3) What we don’t see our children doing (proactive recognition)
4) What we want to see our children doing (creative recognition)
This episode has the potential to change your parenting and the environment in your home forever. Don’t miss it!
Tony’s website: TonyOverbay.com
Tony’s podcast, The Virtual Couch: http://www.tonyoverbay.com/category/podcast/
Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured-Heart Approach by Howard Glasser
PDF of the 4 Recognition Types: http://www.naswwv.org/index.php/documents/177-c1-wendy-baracka-transforming-the-difficult-child-nha-recognition-techniques/file
All of our kids get stuck in behaviors that are difficult for us and others to deal with–perhaps it’s whining, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or defiance.
According to Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 17 years of experience teaching children social skills and communication, these neurological “loops” can be rewired. She does it every day in her private practice, and, in this week’s episode, she teaches us how to do it! We can follow this simple three-step process with our kids, in our homes:
1) Identify the specific troublesome behavior, and then ask yourself, “What SKILL does my child need to learn in order to change this behavior?”
2) Sit down with the child and make a GOAL to learn the new skill. Have him or her make it visual by writing it down and/or drawing a picture. Consider adding a hand cue.
3) Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise whenever the child is working on their goal, and consider adding additional reinforcement through earning privileges, if needed.
Chrissy offers so many fantastic tips and interesting bits of research throughout the interview. You won’t want to miss it, especially if you sometimes struggle with knowing how to help your children change.
-Michelle Garcia Winter: https://www.socialthinking.com/
-“Kids Beyond Limits” by Anat Baniel
-“Finally Focused” by James Greenblatt
“The prerequisite to all other parenting principles is to be in control of yourself as the parent. And this is the major struggle for parents. They feel like they are standing on the sidelines helpless, and their children are running rompus around them and all over them…But this can easily be changed. We should not feel like victims in our own households. We can find joy and delight in working in our own homes.”
Ralphie Jacobs is a mother to four girls, ages 3-14, and the founder of the popular Instagram account @simplyonpurpose. Her account has experienced incredible growth from when it started just a year ago because so many mothers are thirsting for her wise, compassionate, and positive parenting advice.
It was an honor to have her on the show, and in this episode she will teach us how to stop yelling at our kids by being in control of ourselves. But how do we do that, especially in the moment when anger is building? Ralphie explains how we must:
- Listen to the right story
- Use time to our advantage
- Model being happy
Listen in as Ralphie and I dive into these principles a little more deeply and give practical advice of how to apply them in your home.
As always, I would love to hear from you! Let me know in the comments which strategies stay with you the most and what works with your children.
“Children are great imitators–give them something great to imitate.” Joy D. Jones
Jennifer Brimhall, a mother of five and the founder of the website Raise the Good, believes that we can surround our children with good role models whom they will want to emulate. These aren’t superheroes with capes or celebrities with millions of dollars; these are unexpected heroes, and we will find them all around us.
In this episode, Jen goes into specifics about how we can introduce our children to…
1. Heroes in books and media
2. Role models in the world around them
3. Mentors in education.
Listen in to glean incredible wisdom from an incredible mother!
An outline and list of resources mentioned in the podcast is included below:
1. Heroes in books and media
- Books: Value Tales, Little House on the Prairie, Chronicles of Narnia
- TV Shows: Wild Kratts, Planet Earth documentaries, Mr. Rodgers on Youtube (ha!)
- Movies: Third Man on the Mountain
2. Role Models in the world around them
- Check out the Hero Spotlights on Jen’s website!
- Keep watch for news articles about “heroes” and share them with your kids
- Point out everyday heroes around town, at the grocery store, and in daily interactions
- Ask your children to list three things they are grateful for and who is responsible for that blessing
- “Coming of Age Celebrations” with treasured family and friends
3. Mentors in education
- Look into conferences, clubs, and personal mentorships (it never hurts to ask!) for your children to learn about their passions from experts in the field
- Rely on websites to teach your children