084: The 3 Cs of Transformative Discipline // Part 2 with Katherine Reynolds Lewis

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Last week, Katherine Reynolds Lewis, the author of The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever– And What to Do About It, taught us that children today are fundamentally different than past generations. Not because they’re born different, but because the world they are growing up in is so different. In previous generations, typical kids developed self-regulation skills through their day-to-day life of playing with friends, being outside, and working alongside their families. But modern cultural factors including less unstructured play and time outdoors, more exposure to media and technology, and more pressure from academic and extra curricular expectations are undermining the natural development of impulse control, self confidence and patience within our kids.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis spent over five years researching parenting and discipline techniques, and she found that there are many effective discipline methods in practice today that teach children how to take ownership of their choices and their emotions and gain the emotional skills they need to self regulate. These transformative discipline methods all share some common elements (that all happen to start with “C”):

  1. Connection: Relationship is the foundation. If we try to discipline our kids before we have that connection, it’s not going to go well.
  2. Communication: Asking questions, posing “what ifs” and getting more information helps children to process and build their problem-solving and critical-thinking skills
  3. Capability-building: We must focus on helping children build both life skills around the house and social and emotional skills.

If you missed last week’s episode, part one of this discussion, you are going to want to go back and listen to that! 

Show Notes

KatherineRLewis.com

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About the Podcast Host, Rachel Nielson

Rachel taught high school English for five years before deciding to be a stay-at-home mom to her two miracle babies, Noah Atticus, who was adopted, and Sally Grace, who was conceived through IVF.

In her life, Rachel has experienced great sorrow but also great joy--and she loves diving deep into the topics that matter most. Thank you for listening to the podcast and giving her a chance to share her heart.

5 Comments

  1. […] a follow up to our wonderful series with Katherine Reynolds Lewis  (click to listen to Part 1 and Part 2), I knew I wanted to re-air Episode 19 with Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 18 […]

  2. Jarita on 06/22/2019 at 9:23 AM

    Gah! I’m new to podcasts and this was one of my first listens. I will be hooked! I’m a Mama to a strong willed nearly 3 year old girl and a sweet almost 4 month old baby boy. Since he was born, I have found myself struggling with behaviour for my girl and also with my reaction to her. I know she has had a lot of change in her world but lack the parenting skills on how to help her cope. In fact, I lack the skills on how to cope myself. I’ve been angry and anxious a lot of the time- not the Mom I thought I’d or want to be!! Thank you for these tips as a reminder of ways to more positively listen to her needs as she grows, even (and especially) when she’s struggling. Particularly I appreciated the message of 1) communicating with her without it contributing to a “praise junkie”. I loved the thoughts on that and hope to incorporate better communication when I see her doing good. And 2) instead of viewing things as an inconvenience, viewing as an opportunity. This is something I know, but struggle to feel. It nearly made me cry. Thank you for the encouragement and ideas so I can keep trying to be the Mom I truly want to be!

    • Rachel Nielson on 06/24/2019 at 11:40 AM

      Hi, Jarita! I feel like I lived your experience!! I was so disappointed in myself that I wasn’t a more patient and loving mom after my second was born. If you haven’t listened to my introductory episode, I would love for you to!! I think you will feel understood. You’re not alone, and we’ve got this. I’m so glad you found 3 in 30!

  3. Kristin Petrucci on 06/23/2019 at 10:16 AM

    Once again THANK YOU!! Thank you for taking time to do this!
    Connecting is one thing I struggle with! My oldest is on the Autism spectrum and with every fit I just sent him to his room. My 5 year old throws fits a lot and I have the same tendency. I am excited to implement change.

    • Rachel Nielson on 06/24/2019 at 11:38 AM

      You are a great mom, Kristin! We can do this!!!

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