CORE VALUES 

Core values are the things that matter the most to YOU. ... *** Find out the definition Rachel wants here ***

*** Does Rachel have a list of core values we could share here? Email list?***

A: In this episode, I teach that knowing your core values helps you find yourself in motherhood again! Years ago, if you’d asked what my predominant feeling as a mom day-to-day was, I would’ve said, “overwhelmed,” “burned out,” or “unfulfilled.” As much as I fiercely and completely loved my children, I didn’t feel like myself within motherhood. It was like I didn’t know who I was anymore - or maybe I did know who I was, I just didn’t know if it was okay to be who I was. Deeply knowing and accepting yourself and bringing the best of yourself to your life is at the heart of being self-assured, and EVERY woman can get there.

Julie In this week’s episode, Julie Bastedo (who has taught high school English for 18 years and has two children of her own) walks mothers through some strategies to help us embrace who we truly are, instead of always pining after whom we think we “should” be. When we know who we are, we can be the mom we were meant to be, and this allows us to love your people better.  Julie teaches us to sit down and make a list of the unique gifts that WE bring to our children, and to recognize that we will be a source of joy and a source of disappointment for others throughout our life…and that’s okay. 

Defining your core values is key to finding joy in motherhood! Start the process of discovering yourself with Rachel's free workbook .

A: It can be tricky to narrow down what your own values are! You can certainly google lists of values, but Rachel makes it much easier with her INCREDIBLE values workbook. This will help you triage what personal values matter the most to you.  If you would like a free copy, CLICK HERE.

A:  That's actually pretty normal, and you shouldn't refrain from sharing your values just because they're controversial.  You can always talk about tough topics when you approach them with kindness, compassion, and through the lens of what you believe.  Dr. Taryn Fletcher shared that how you tackle a tough and timely topic depends on the age of the child. Children want to talk about the hard stuff, but they need our guidance in navigating the information that they’ve collected along the way.  She reminds us to check in on your kids’ mental health, first.  Ask questions to better understand their perspective before sharing your perspective. Remember to enter into difficult conversations as a learner and listener. Don’t go tackle a tough topic without a plan or protocol. Talk about the hard stuff with family and friends and keep your relationships in tact. The goal of the talk circle is to build new perspectives.

If the values you want to discuss are centered around how people are treated, you might consider learning from Jasmine Bradshaw  She does an excellent job explaining how to teach your children about racism and bias.  She suggests we should teach our children about implicit bias–what it is and how to combat it. We should also teach them (and ourselves) to respond with humility when they make mistakes or hurt someone. Don't shy away from these tricky topics if they align with your core values!

Meg Martin teaches specifically about supporting those who experience homelessness.  She encourages us to not repress the desire to be generous to others.  Though it's ok (and important!) to have boudaries.

Holly Young shares some ideas about teaching your children about LGBTQ topics. It is critical that we teach them to respect and honor those who are different from them, even if you don’t understand or agree with it.  She also emphasizes that if you see someone who is transgender being bullied, excluded, or not having their preferred name and pronouns honored, do something. As adults, we may need to do this in conversations or interactions we witness, by just speaking up and saying, “I’m not okay with that” or “I don’t agree” or “Please don’t treat them that way.”

If your values are being challenged and making your relationships difficult, Eli Harwood has many great suggestions you might find helpful. If you're wondering how you communicate to your partner that things need to change or how to work to build your connection with your partner while also holding onto your connection with yourself, then this episode is for you. Articulate clearly and directly what you need your partner to learn in order for you to feel safe in the relationship. You are allowed to hold onto your own values, and it's possible to work through differing values in a relationship.

A: Sometimes it's our parenting values that don't align.  Celeste Davis reminds us that we shouldn't villanize our spouse or the situation.  Remember, your spouse is not the enemy, the different parenting style your spouse has is not the enemy, and imperfection is not the enemy. Remembering  what is NOT the enemy, can help us start to focus on what we can control to make things better. Start with noticing. Notice your behavior. Notice when you are trying to pressure your spouse to do things your way with the kids, or when you’re undermining them in their unique relationship with your children.

Sometimes it's our religious values that no longer align.  Eli Harwood teaches: First, don’t get trapped in the myth that there are two teams. The world is so divided. It can be tempting to feel like you are either on one team or another, but the truth is that we can come together, support each other, disagree with some aspects, and still be there for one another. Come together and share what is meaningful for each of you. Sit with each other without getting defensive, and share why your viewpoint matters to you. Each partner can approach the other in a specific way to help bring support to the relationship. The person changing can be really clear that they are questioning values and beliefs, not the relationship. “I’m not questioning you or us, I’m questioning this.” Clarifying this can help put the other partner at ease that the relationship isn’t at stake.

Kattie Mount further reinforces this idea when she taught us to take breaks from the heavy and hard topics to just laugh with our partner and reconnect with them. Believe them when they tell you about their difficult experiences, and allow them to have their own journey. Differentiation in  marriage is incredibly hard work, but it will ultimately bring you closer as you realize that you don’t have to be or believe exactly the same in order to hold deep respect, admiration, and affection for each other.

A: Amanda Ferrioli teaches that  it's important for your child to see what it means to live your values by setting the example. Reach out to your neighbors, in big and small ways. Notice people around you who need a helping hand and invite your children to join you in brainstorming how you might help. If you want to take on a bigger project, consider researching a cause together and doing a lemonade stand to raise money. Or you could do something that is unique to your child’s interests, like the community lending library that adds to the feeling of community in your neighborhood.

Ashly Aikele and Elyse Beard teach that you should tell your children the stories of inspirational people from history, current events, or even family history. Furthermore, use the life experiences of these heroes as a vehicle to introduce difficult topics.  You might consider iIntroducing your children to new professions, places, and causes through the lens of a variety of role models.

A: Jennifer Brimhall, a mother of five and the founder of the website Raise the Good, believes that we can surround our children with good role models whom they will want to emulate. These aren’t superheroes with capes or celebrities with millions of dollars; these are unexpected heroes, and we will find them all around us. In this episode, Jen goes into specifics about how we can introduce our children to heroes in books and media, role models in the world around them, and mentors in education.

You can use Rachel's Flecks of Gold Printable for Kids to help teach gratitude and optimism.

There are MANY excellent books you can use.  HERE is a list of a few of Rachel's favorites.