It’s TEEN MONTH at 3 in 30, and I’m so excited to kick it off with two of my motherhood mentors, Tiffany Sowby and Allyson Reynolds, who I met about seven years ago when I worked for the organization Power of Moms.
The transition into motherhood and the different stages of it often comes with unexpected loneliness. As our children get older, their needs change, and they need us in different ways than they did when they were young.
Tiffany and Allison have 9 children between them, ranging in age from 21 down to 10 years old, and according to them, “What is hard when kids are little is easy when they’re older, and what is easy when they’re little can be challenging as they get older.”
Today, Tiffany and Allyson are sharing three takeaways for combating “the unexpected loneliness of parenting teens”:
- Find friends in real life you can trust. Unlike so much of the parenting advice that comes through social media, sharing the heavier things requires privacy and connection.
- Seek out resources that are available, including professional help. Book, blogs, and podcasts are easier to find for moms of young children, but they are still out there for moms of teens! And everyone needs a therapist!
- Enjoy the good. Even though your teens aren’t with you as often, it is truly FUN when they are: in these years, you get to develop your friendship with them and see their unique personalities emerge.
People are often amazed by just how close my sisters and I are to my dad. Our mom passed away when we were teenagers, so Dad planned our weddings, comes to help us after we have babies, and talks to us frequently about our lives.
I truly believe that the small but meaningful ways my dad bonded with us when we were young made all the difference when we lost our mom; we already had a solid relationship with him that has since blossomed into something truly beautiful and unique.
If you want a rock solid, life-long bond with your children, here are three easy ways that I learned from my dad:
- Play with them. Rely on small but consistent & memorable traditions.
- Talk with them. Show them you welcome and can handle their questions, and schedule regular times to check-in.
- Feel with them. Sit with them in their disappointments and their fears without trying to fix it.
I have teamed up with one of my dear friends, Monica Packer, who is the host of About Progress to launch Podcast University. It is an online school for all things podcasting, and we want to help you start or grow a podcast! Our first course Podcasting 101 is open for enrollment through the end of June. You can also take part in one of our FREE classes this month: 3 Things You Must Know Before You Start a Podcast.
There’s still time to fill out my demographic survey! Please take a few minutes and go to: 3in30podcast.com/survey
As a follow up to our wonderful series with Katherine Reynolds Lewis (click to listen to Part 1 and Part 2), I knew I wanted to re-air Episode 19 with Chrissy Austin, a speech language pathologist with 18 years of experience teaching children the skills they need to self-regulate.
All of our kids get stuck in behaviors that are difficult for us and others to deal with–perhaps it’s whining, interrupting, fighting with siblings, or defiance. According to Chrissty, these neurological “loops” can be rewired. She does it every day in her private practice, and, in this week’s episode, she teaches us how to do it in our homes! We can follow this simple three-step process with our kids:
1) Identify the specific troublesome behavior, and then ask yourself, “What SKILL does my child need to learn in order to change this behavior?”
2) Sit down with the child and make a GOAL to learn the new skill. Have him or her make it visual by writing it down and/or drawing a picture. Consider adding a hand cue.
3) Offer positive reinforcement through verbal praise whenever the child is working on their goal, and consider adding additional reinforcement through earning privileges, if needed.
Chrissy offers so many fantastic tips and interesting bits of research throughout the interview. You won’t want to miss it, especially if you sometimes struggle with knowing how to help your children change.
Are you interested in starting or growing your podcast?? I am so excited to announce a project I’ve been working on for months with my dear friend and podcasting colleague, Monica Packer. (Drum roll please!) Announcing… Podcast University!
Our mission with Podcast U is to help heart-fueled women build podcasts that make a difference. We would love to help YOU build a podcast you will love. Please go to 3in30podcast.com/podcastu for more information.
And don’t forget, we are offering several FREE classes this month. Click here to sign up for a spot now! aboutprogress.com/freeclass
The more I share my heart on this podcast, the more often people reach out to me and share their hearts and stories. And over the past year, many listeners have told me about their heartache over *not* being raised by a loving mother.
I’ve had listeners relay stories to me about mothers who were emotionally absent or even emotionally or physically abusive. These listeners confide in me what a sometimes overwhelming task it is to be a loving mother when you never really saw that modeled.
But these warrior mothers are doing all that they can to change the trajectory of that family pattern of parenting. To raise their own children with the love that they themselves were not given.
Today on the podcast, I have one of those warrior moms who’s going to share her insights on how to be a loving mother even if you weren’t raised by one. Sarah Badat-Richardson was born and raised in Reunion Island off the coast of South Africa, and she now lives in Hawaii. She’s a blogger and has also published articles on the website Power of Moms. She runs an international self-defense school with her husband, and she is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. One of her greatest accomplishments is that she is the mother to a beautiful 9-year-old girl, and she works every day to overcome the difficult relationship she had with her own mother so she can become the mother she wants to be for her daughter.
Sarah shares some of her journey with us today, and her three insightful takeaways are:
- Accept your plight. Accept who your mother was or is, and accept that the way you were brought up is not your fault.
- Bring your healthiest self. Take care of your body through food, sleep, and nutrition, and take care of your soul by paying attention to your thoughts and words.
- Embrace who you are. Share your talents and passions with your children, and give yourself a pat on the back for every good thing you do.
Sarah’s blog: sarahbadatrichardson.com
Sarah’s essay she wrote in preparation for our interview: sarahbadatrichardson.com/how-to-be-a-good-mom-even-if-you-didnt-have-one
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Dr. Karl McBride
Jody Moore’s podcast Better Than Happy
Sarah’s three favorite mothers in literature: 1. Ma from Little House on the Prarie, 2. Marmie from Little Women, 3. Jo from Little Men
Dr. Laura quote:
“You have two chances at a healthy parent-child relationship. The first time, you’re a child and you have no power. The second time, you’re the parent and you have all the power.”
Many thanks to our Declutter our Motherhood Workshop Sponsors!!
- Honey Coast Home–The first ten orders to use the code 3in30 get a free Lemon-Aid candle!
- Missy VanWagoner–20% off this week only if you email or DM Missy directly and tell her you heard about her on the 3in30! firstname.lastname@example.org, @missyvanwagoner on Instagram
- Simple and Blush Headscarves–20% off with the code 3in30
As mothers, this can be a hard stage of life to find and maintain meaningful friendships.
Many of us feel busy and overwhelmed–barely managing the needs of our own families.
Opportunities to connect with other women might feel scarce, depending on the ages and needs of our children.
Sometimes it’s just easier to give a friendly wave or a quick hello in the hallway at church than to invest in a real friendship with someone.
In this week’s episode, Brooke Romney, a mother of four and a professional writer, shares totally doable ways that we can be good friends to other women, even if we are busy, shy, or maxed out on life.
Brooke discusses each of the following takeaways, offering concrete ideas within each:
1) Take advantage of small opportunities to build connection by simply being present wherever we are.
2) Follow the advice that we give our children about being a good friend.
3) Don’t wait for life conditions to be perfect before extending friendship to others.
Don’t miss this conversation where we learn how to go beyond just being friendly, to start being real friends.
-Brooke’s website: brookeromney.com/
-Brooke’s article in the Deseret News: “It’s Time to Stop Being Friendly and Start Being a Friend”
-Rachel’s Instagram: @3in30podcast
-Brooke’s Instagram: @brookeromneywrites